ENGLAND 105 - Your Favourite Radio Station on GB.net! (Tune in for more “BritTarts Talk Trash!”)

‘Sleepless in Mitcham’ does the graveyard shift and hosts “The Euph & Euphemia Show” in the wee small hours once again.... Marsha joins her briefly to pimp her blog, then leaves ENGLAND in Euphemia’s capable hands once again. Euph compares bunny slippers and is nearly poked by Gerry’s unsheathed sword, but carries on regardless!

Catherine and Gusti open the curtains in ENGLAND at a slightly more sociable hour to discover Euphemia’s nocturnal shenanegins, but she feigns innocence.... Gusti plans a relaxed day, and after playing amongst the Big Girls in Team ENGLAND, will conduct her business from her bed! She hopes to soon find a rhythm which will leave her Sundays free...... Euphemia admits she tossed and turned last night, and Elb tells her that her new jacket with tailor-made sleeves is ready, admires the pic of puppydog(s) that Catherine posted yesterday and gets cracking on Abridged..... Gusti is frustrated that she can’t download Goffy’s vid, Euphemia sings as the men in white coats approach, and Elb announces the arrival of Mini-Marek’s new clobber. Euphemia’s plans for the day include “Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”, Elb grows old disgracefully, and Gusti is impressed by Elb’s folks’ 50 year golden track record.........

Half-dead Els is off to Southsea on a jolly, and Gracie pops in to thank everyone for their good wishes yesterday, giving a blow-by-blow account of her birthday, then celebrates the fact that the Outlaws have left town..... Two hours behind schedule, Elb finally publishes yesterday’s Abridged and Miss Hyde blames her hormones for a crappy night’s sleep and her soggy book, while Elb quotes tomorrow’s Abridged before it’s even written. She retracts her head from her arse with difficulty..... Tina heads off to read and catch up, and Elb commiserates with Catherine about the state of her plumbing...... Miss Hyde goes shopping for ‘shurbs’ with Mrs Hyde, BabyElb mislays her underwear, and Elb takes her to buy scaffolding to uphold her modesty, while Eeyore dreams of Puresex, but can’t be bovvered to get online during sleepless spells. Gracie suffers from hormones, but so does hubby, and attends to pressing matters in the garden, while hormonally-challenged Berenise slaps her own legs for absenteeism. ENGLAND seem awash with hormones, as Eeyore too is a martyr to hers and wonders if periods are like buses........ Perplexed, she decides to treat herself to some Crispy Creedy, and Gracie sees Were-Rabbits and chicken-sparrows...... The men in white coats do an about-turn from Euphemia’s digs, and head for Gracie’s..... Pretending all is normal, Gracie asks for advice on MP3 players from old hand Eeyore, and Jo micro-chips in to help. Her advice is to decide how big you want it then double it, then decides that this theory can be applied to life in general....

Sparkle is off to barbecue the family, Jo has her first Gergasm, and Gracie boasts of multiple Gergasms........ Eeyore leaves a quiet message on the Teddy Bear ordering line, as they’re all asleep, and snotty Gracie does a Kate Moss impression. Euphemia still can’t sleep and shovels food into ravenous Misu, while checking her fingers are still attached...... Jo brings the handcuffs to Euphemia’s menage a trois, while Euph promptly distances herself from the strange conversation, and her spell checker falls into the Gutler. Eeyore has trouble with smelling pistakes, Jo has dyslexic digits, and Elb, returning from her parents’ Golden Anniversary lunch, announces her Dad is a bugger. Goffy goes to download slo-mo Terriness, and Miss Hyde, now in a better frame of mind, returns to find ENGLAND awash in a sea of red cards, just as it should be..... Euphemia proposes that ENGLAND becomes one GIANT red card with a warning to those who may enter at their peril, and says hi to picky Elb, despite her not even being in ENGLAND......... Miss Hyde appeases her hormonal cravings with sweeties, Euphemia is full of beans, leading to her second wind, and Jo can fit three fig rolls in her cakehole.... Goffy sympathises with Euphemia’s sleeplessness, who blames strange smells on the dog, and Catherine points out the thread about GB.net in 2050 in which Gerry fan occupy nursing homes, and still rave over their now-balding hero....... Goffy and Eeyore forget their Memory cards for Gerry, and after having nasturtiums cast on her character, Euphemia demands that Goffy shows hers, as she’s already put her goods on display!

Elb returns from chauffeuring BabyElb to her next port of recuperation, and discovers hidden chocolate on her messy desk, while Euphemia admires Goffy’s handiwork. Del joins ENGLAND via phone, and Elb relays ‘huggles’ and kisses whilst having aural receptors bent by aforesaid temporary-netless Tart....... Eeyore books her place with Goffy and Gusti for the Marriott, and looks at 10 hours of bussing her bum to Glasgow, while Elb finally detaches herself from a talkative Del and lets her ear cool down.... ENGLAND party on down with disco balls and cheesy music, while sunburnt Els makes her excuses and sits this one out, and Catherine plays secretary to Admin, typing interview transcripts... Movies are up next on the agenda, and ENGLAND mull over what to watch. Jo can’t stand comedies, but she and Eeyore drool over Wet Bale, while Tina gets the big (Young) guns out ....... Em says hi, and Yorkie needs therapy after her week, so bends Elb’s freshly straightened earhole for an hour and a half.........Em feels invisible and Miss Hyde drowns herself in ‘Chocolat’. Everyone watches the ‘GB.net in 2050’ thread with interest, Em is still ignored, and two-thirds of the Glasgee Three once more pass like ships in the night..... Finally, poor Em is acknowledged and hugged, Euphemia’s eyeballs go fuzzy, and ENGLAND rally at last to cheer Em up with AttilaSpam. She sports a new siggy and prompts Jo to add more pics to her gallery of Hun-ks...... Elb gets her eye back on the ball after Yorkie-yak, and said chum thanks her for the loan of her lughole. She also informs her that all the non-Slutty luggage of the Yorkie family fits within the confines of Mr Yorkie’s motor......... There is however, no room for the family............

ENGLAND wind down and most of the Team jump ship for the night. Elb warns that Abridged may be late, as being a Tart’s sounding board has its price, and Eeyore gets her moneysworth out of BT by staying online all day! Goffy enrols in Transcription School along with Catherine, but complains about mumbling Gerry, and Jo is still in Wulfy mood, as she doesn’t need to be up “at crack of sparrow” tomorrow..... Finally, Eeyore posts Attila to watch over ENGLAND while they sleep..... and to keep Euphemia entertained if she wakes in the night...............