ENGLAND hits 104 degrees.......

...........BritTarts spontaneously combust thinking about Spartan home life....

Gusti is a no-show at Breakfast this morning, and it is a sombre affair with just Elb and Catherine representing Team ENGLAND. True to form, they warble about the weather over coffee, and newbie Lucklessbubbles arrives from Louisiana to join in the weather-whingeing. Elb describes how she may have to help smelly BabyElb have a Hokey-Cokey style shower (keeping her right leg out) and considers throwing in the towel at her Saturday job.... Catherine plans further pooch-humiliation for Parker, and Els dyes.... Hair, ears, face........ Elb suffers with clog-dancing seagulls, and unveils BabyElb’s war wound, but has a bit of a hitch....Em posts CarSpam, or more accurately KAspam, and Elb posts a link to Dancing Matt and wants someone to pay HER to travel the world, dance and write - only with less dancing.....Em leches after lecturers, Eva’s in a bad mood, and Els is bored out of her not-so-tiny mind. Catherine and Em are comfy with Gerry’s innuendo about ‘horse-riding’ in 300, and Miss Hyde likes dirty talk from John Entwistle..... Els dies.

Del’s back at the cafe after extended laundry chores, Catherine presses on, and Eva has someone who ‘does’. She and Del arrange to meet, while GreenFairy Els waves her magic wand so Em can see the illicit 300 vid on YouTube, and Em pimps Gerry to the postie. Eva pimps Timeline to sis, and Jo goes arse over elbow and gets eaten by her couch...... Typing is painful but she soldiers on regardless! Em prescribes Gerrycillin to ease the pain, then King Leo to kiss it better.... Goffy and Em are undecided as to what Gerriness to watch later, and Els joins yet another forum through sheer boredom. Re. Gerry films, Marsha loves the feeling of Terry after a bath, and wistfully wishes she’d actually MET Team ENGLAND...... Goffy finds a Gerry for all moods, and gets excited about ‘Priest’ as she loves Gerry in a dog collar.... Em and Marsha indulge in actress-bashing, and Els stands up for her beliefs that ‘Timeline’ is sh*te, despite added Gerriness........

Catherine juggles mugs of tea without success, and has her eardrums assaulted by someone with the horn. Jo appreciates the sympathy and hopes King Leo knows her arse from her elbow..... but then again, maybe not. Euphemia completes her Kiss for Gerry and Elb prays for solitude after playing nursemaid and taxi to BabyElb. The Great Unveiling didn’t go according to plan, and so they had to call in the not-so-professionals. Lady Claire UK arrives back in ENGLAND in time for tea, and is hot under the collar at the thought of Gerry stripping for ‘Burns’, although is uncertain whether it was fact or fiction.... Gusti also returns after being conspicuously absent, and has had a hard week, but still manages to raise a WOOT for Elb’s post-count! Euphemia confesses to being a technophobe, and Lady Claire thinks she’s invisible, but ENGLAND quickly redress the situation, while Gusti tells Euphemia how she can now send text messages, so her grasp of technology is improving, thanks to GB.net! Jo complains that ENGLAND talk more in her absence, and Lady Claire worries that Wulfy has got lost en route from Canada........ Cathy is knackered after work and housework, and takes the week off to do even more, while buttering up Dad to hold her ladder. Catherine is off to Malvern for yet another show tomorrow, so won’t be late, and Jo gives the heads-up on the next Video Diary from 300. Internet shopoholic Eeyore fancies POTO bare - sorry.... bears, and offers medical advice for Jo’s sofa-munched arm, while Sparkle sneaks out from entertaining to post that she can’t join ENGLAND tonight. Hormones are whipped up by Gerry’s “ride him like a horse” teasers, and thus inspired, ENGLAND makes plans for a Tart Trip to the 300 premiere in March..... Elb finally finds time to catch up with the thread, but is still behind in blogging, but Em gives her some abbreviated tips.... Euphemia the Technophobe links to hers and Magdalena’s Kisses for Gerry, Marsha gallops through ENGLAND, and Tina finds that half a bottle of wine makes a bad day seem SO much better. She makes Elb and Els green with envy by waving her signed Tennant-Totty card at ENGLAND, Marsha posts risque jokes and bad-tempered Jo takes her sore elbow to bed. Tina, Goffy, Catherine and Em sign up for the Team ENGLAND ‘300’ Road Trip, and Elb is there with bells on. She blinks and misses Yorkie, who zips through the thread, followed by Els who practises her running away technique before going to footie at Millwall tomorrow. Yorkie zips back after reading Abridged to belatedly WOOT for Elb’s 5555th, and makes a stirring, moving speech for her mate.

Much of ENGLAND has already retired, but as Elb makes a final reappearance, the rest run away to hide. Elb gets paranoiderer still........ Goffy is up for it, off for it and makes a note to read her posts first. Elb wants Yorkie as her speechwriter when she becomes Prime Minister, but can’t remember if she has clean trousers for work.......... She reports that BabyElb is alive and kicking. Okay. Not exactly kicking, but alive and so Elb’s nursing career will soon be over. Elb, Yorkie and Eeyore are last to bow out, but an uneasy night lies ahead for at least one member of Team ENGLAND................