ENGLAND 102 - The Team in Mourning - Requiem for Lost Threads....

Gusti is once again up at crack of butt to travel to work, and Elb the Early is not far behind. Still-awake Marsha drops by in cuddly mode after seeing B&G over the weekend, and ever-so-shallow Elb contemplates Wulfy’s fine figure in chainmail.... After the early crew have gone about their business, Catherine awakes from a parking nightmare triggered by her car’s visit to the garage, while Els dashes in before work. Miss Hyde types carefully at elevenses still nursing a sore arm after too much bouncing, and Jo, Catherine (illicitly posting from work) and Evangelia do lunch..... Catherine has posted news that ‘The Jury’ is to be shown on ITV3 tonight, but Els prefers her DVD so she can perv over the Gerriness and skip the rest..... She buys yet more DVDs, but is reassured by Evangelia (also a film fanatic) but is scared by police activity outside her workplace.

Em misses an entire thread after Going Somewhere, and Marsha pops in later with an update about her friend, while Elb is agog about goings-on in Pompey.... Sparkle flies-by en route to Monday night yoga and a date later with Sweaty Sawyer and her brother, and Goffy the Exterminator has spent the day ant-battling and indulging in new lappiness........ Euphemia wants to know the whereabouts of an outfitter’s for Mini-Mareks, while Catherine WOOTs cautiously because her car may have been fixed on the cheap, and ENGLAND communally worry about Els’ safety. Goffy heeds Euphemia’s advice about ants, and Els reports back to ENGLAND that she is still alive but clueless, but more importantly, that it was the Bandstand’s final stand at band! Goffy is about to start a new vid, and asks for suggestions for scenes, and Cathy pays an arm and a leg for a half-price wedding outfit.... Euphemia pulls the wool over hubby’s eyes when she bags a bargain, and talking of weddings, chilly Tina returns after a weekend away in the Tardis...... Elb advises Euphemia on micro-wardrobe matters and salves her conscience by relaying messages from the still-connectionless Del....... Tina wants rid of her thunderthighs, while Elb reckons she’s got a whole bladdy storm in her trousers, and Em demands an audience when she returns from her bath...... Cathy gets pestered by moths and kittens, Gusti is very, very, very, very tired, and misses Del, and Tina suggests that Gusti needs a manservant! She holds her own minute of belated silence for lost threads after Elb tells Tina that her very first thread has been reprieved....... Cathy wobbles off, Jo admits to thunderthighs then ups the ante with wobbly butt & gut, but Em claims victory in the wobble stakes. Once Elb starts, she can’t stop, and Yorkie has a bad day. She and Elb both sit in front of the computer, wasting away whilst dithering over food.....

Gusti thinks of charging her client to do her housework, while she gets on her bike, but alas, both are pipedreams..... ENGLAND continue discussing boobs, bums and bellies, while Goffy won’t comment on what she missed, and Em the film star has finished her shoot..... Elb tells of frightening her doctor by keeling over after he plays Dracula on her empty stomach, and Em offers her leftovers to the starving. Catherine creeps out, Gusti goes, and Elb is cut off in her prime when her server crashes..... Breila joins the Ridiculously-Happy-about-New-Domestic-Appliances Club, as did Elb the previous week when she washed things just for the joy of being able to.... Euphemia assures Breila she’s pairfectly normal, and hoovers cats to prove her point, while Yorkie interrogates Elb about her blood tests, and wryly reflects on risque hoover discussions. Euphemia is impressed by long flexible hoses, and Goffy wonders exactly WHOSE hose is most impressive..... Poor soggy-arsed Eeyore wanders into the madness upset because she gets a soaking en route to work, where she discovers the Gorgeous Gareth belongs to another, and her new toy has to go back to the shop......... Euphemia, Goffy and co splash merrily in the Gutler while Elb warbles on about her trip to the doctors, and reveals her cholesterol levels are so high her GP needs a step-ladder to read them....... Moving swiftly on from hose-length discussions, Yorkie announces that she has an extra-thick head, and Team ENGLAND resort to the ‘safe’ topic of the weather.... Elb complains about Abridging flexible hose comments, and tells Eeyore that her wet arse is going in the blog..... Els enjoys chocolate flavoured DVDs, and retires to her new bed, while Elb assures Breila that her ailments are diagnosed as Getting Old-itis, and are nothing that an AK47 couldn’t fix. Euphemia admits to being well past her sell-by date, and goes off....... Cathy returns in hysterics, having just watched the legendary ‘Top Gear goes Caravanning’ and shows ENGLAND the gingerbread-Gerry that her son made, complete with appendages...... Em gives her excuses for forthcoming AWOLism, and will see us on Thread 200, while Yorkie almost gives in to her urges to run nekkid through the rain, and insists she really WAS talking about mop heads earlier. Yeah, right! Breila is confoosed as to mop heads and assures Elb that she’s NOT old......... Elb points out that her son is nearly Breila’s age. Miss Hyde also assures everyone they are NOT old, fat or wobbly, but that Team ENGLAND are just fine and dandy the way they are..........

Awwwww!

Miss Hyde’s nose grows longer.

Cathy tells ENGLAND that Gingerbread Gerry tasted great, but nearly spat him all over her keyboard after spotting a spider in her lap....... Elb explains succinctly what a mop head is, and admires Miss Hyde’s kind blarney, while Lady Claire bids ENGLAND a good evening and goodnight! Jo returns after an evening’s stuffing to walk in on hoovers and cleavages, and Yorkie leaks in front of prospective buyers, then she and Elb take their elderly leggies off to bed.... Eeyore and Breila also jump ship, abandoning Jo to bounce around the thread alone before pughugging as per instructions........

ENGLAND sleeps as much-needed rain moistens the country.........