ENGLAND 95: The temperature soars! BritTarts get steamed-up over bare Beowulf!

Euphemia, blissfully unaware of the humdinger of a storm that had raged through her thread last night, is first up for Breakfast Club, and is joined swiftly by sore-throated Elb, and bruised Catherine...... Catherine anticipates a somewhat fragrant day at work, Euphemia promises to learn texting (and how to Switch Her Phone On) and Gusti WOOTs for Goffy, who has made it onto the front page of GB.net with the link for Wulfy wiggling out of his wetsuit! Catherine paints a charming picture of her odoriferous boss who economises somewhat on detergent, deodorant and decorum, and ENGLAND are all behind Gusti as she is nervous about the interview today. Del, unable to sleep last night, has packed up the first load of books to ditch, and muses over what little there is to show of her life.... Euphemia quotes Kipling, which causes Elb to google, then marvel in Yoda-speak about how educational GB.net can be, and Jo too gets poetic, but has to have another cold shower afterwards..... Del’s time in Scotland is reduced to one box of books (Moleskines included) and her computer.....Catherine wants to cover already-delicious Gerry in raspberry sorbet, and has a quick Kipple herself, while Euphemia holds a tea party for one..... Del turns up the temperature again by posting screencaps of nearly-nekkid Wulfy, and Elb suffers from le Petit Mort. Catherine espouses over the unlikely but Gergasmic effect of an itchy bloke in shitty Y-fronts, gagging for a fag...... Jo has to explain the pictures to her sprogs, and Del gets Lost scriptwriting again.....

Cathy has finally got to watch the Wulfy Wetsuit vid and apologises unnecessarily for spitting her dummy last night when denied access to the delights of Y-frontage, Sparkle returns to a Wulfy welcome, and Els works hard in the office watching Butler booty and that little knobbly bit on his spine...... Del makes her incoherent with Cap’n Jackitude and Deppness, then goes and Blooming spoils it.... Els wonders idly if Channel Four’s Tommy Tank-athon will be a spectator sport, and Goffy dishes up the red cards... Bored Els has oceanic fantasies, Goffy gets seasick and ENGLAND’s thermostat is up and down like a yo-yo with Del’s hot and cold pics. Euphemia melts, and Elb has good and bad news: she will be working 6 till 2 during the heatwave, which means she will have her afternoons free, but will miss her Breakfast Club fix ...... However, her days of stomping on her smalls are over, with the anticipated delivery of a new washer..... Euphemia and Goffy commiserate, and Tina needs Del’s fan as temperatures have risen with recent picspam.... Euphemia learns to text, and threatens to send Elb another at 3am, while Tina fancies racing Longships. Catherine worries about an Elbless breakfast, and Jo slips off for a tad more than the allotted forty winks..... Els sniggers over Tina’s Longships comment and falls into the Gutler, Elb’s early start has further repercussions blog-wise, and Goffy hasn’t noticed that she’s got a mention on the front page of GB.net!

Gusti arrives with a Big Announcement..... she too will be absent from Breakfast Club, but for longer than Elb, as she has GOT HER PROJECT! Team ENGLAND rally round with much WOOTing, and congratulate Gusti on her success, Euphemia misses Els’ earlier references to smut, and Goffy tries to forget.... She modestly gives Jo the credit for the Wet Wulfy vid, and Elb berates Els for taxing the Abridgement with her very smutty but very quotable post.... Els hangs her head in shame... Gusti learns what Y-fronts are, and stifles comments about the Barclays Bankathon as Euphemia delicately phrases it..... Euphemia wonders how on earth it can last an hour, then decides she doesn’t WANT to know! Berenise is home alone but has a fan, and Cathy starts off calmer but works herself into a tizzy wanting to see Wulfy’s Y-fronts, but is somewhat placated by the news that he is wending his weary, Y-fronted way towards her...... Elb compares sexy blue boxers with grungy white Y-fronts, and finds the latter sadly lacking, despite their content, while Cathy disagrees and Goffy gets in a flap....... Gusti heads out early after an emotionally-draining day, and Catherine points out to Elb that the grungy white pants wouldn’t stay ON him for long, so their sexiness - or lack thereof - is irrelevant! Tina posts some twee Tennant-Tottiness and Elb points out his spindly shanks, then is reminded of King Hrothgar’s lack of undies in B&G by Catherine.... She conjures up memories of Wulfy’s much nicer contours to compensate, then mysteriously vanishes..... Yorkie walks in on the conversation and regrets not having read previous posts....Goffy fancies ironing kinks out of chainmail, and Yorkie retracts previous ironing confessions to declare she never irons anything kinky or mail, but is more than amenable to press Wulfy’s undercrackers....... Dicky-tummed Del is up for anything, Goffy’s mind goes AWOL, and Cathy wants to help Wulfy out of his chainmail (with a tin opener?) Jo returns after her winks, and suggests that the inconvenient black box may have been in case of fallout, while Yorkie dreams of Wulfy OUT of chainmail rather than IN it....
Sparkle turns up with a strange cooling down technique learned at yoga, and pokes her tongue out at everyone..... ENGLAND obviously takes umbrage, and almost everyone disappears by the time Eeyore turns up. She’s relieved that Elb’s cat turned up, but narked about the online dating stitch-up, Jo pokes her tongue out which sends Goffy off to bed, and Elb returns from dealing with a family crisis..... Jo tries to help Eeyore’s dating dilemma, but finds out for herself that there’s no such thing as a free iPod, and Eeyore’s mind visits the Gutler before bed......

Elb bemoans the fact that she has to be up at 5 o’clock, and errant pussy safely indoors, heads for bed.....