ENGLAND 89 - careering wildly into the Nineties!

Elb is first up for Breakfast Club, and struggles to be perky on half-caff coff...... Euphemia does a fair impression of a zombie after little sleep, but Catherine is sickeningly bouncy for such an early hour.... Magdalena is after a job in Mothercare to avoid caring for her mother in the hols, and The Three Cafeteers discuss bits both bendy and stiff, while Catherine and Elb’s planning for their weekend trip upgrades from Code Yellow to Code Red.... and everyone has mash for brains... Jo’s got a stiff back, Elb’s mash-for-brains fails to communicate with her stiff legs, and Creaky Euphemia plans on strapping the fridge to Misu instead of his lunchbox......Catherine gets back from being shut out of ENGLAND and commiserates with all creaky crankies, then wails that she is still sans glitter. She refuses point blank to start the new thread while Euphemia is having problems with Unreality too, and is utterly thoughtless.....

Eeyore and Els arrive for second sitting of Breakfast Club, and while Els posts a spoiler for POTC3, Eeyore measures up Beanie-Baby........ Miss Hyde volunteers for Threadstarting Duty, and Els helps her along by talking rubbish, and Miss Hyde gets misty-eyed over old threads. Marsha bursts in to announce the birth of her friend’s baby, and turns her hand to film-directing the next POTC movie.......Whilst Miss Hyde labours over her thread, Eeyore does lunch and Marsha moves from directing POTC to acting in ‘Friends’... Miss Hyde gives a final push and the new thread is born: ENGLAND storms into the Nineties! Tarts throw out the shoulder pads and don the Rachel haircut......

The Laydeez Wot Lunch talk grunge, bracelets and more ‘Friends’, and Em takes a trip down memory lane with thermo-T-shirts and spoke thingies for bicycles..... ENGLAND congratulate Marsha on the birth of her buddy’s baby. Em is still tripping, reminiscing about mis-matched fluorescent socks and tie-dyed T-shirts, while Jo is pleased to meet another short-ass, and is off to see “Mrs Brown” or rather Big Gerry at the cinema! ENGLAND discuss size, and vary from Mini (Jo) to Maxi (Marsha) but on average, are ....well....average. Em likes her men tall and Marsha just has to self-moderate.... Em’s car is too clean to warrant a charitable wash by hunky firemen, Marsha thinks dirty, and dreams of Gerry in uniform, while Euphemia encounters the Law of Sod again after watering her garden..... Miss Hyde joins in the Tall debate and adds long hair to the mix, while Hippie Yoof likes it long, and definitely NOT shaved, as per Mr Yoof’s coiffure du jour.... She prefers to run her fingers through botty hair. Sorry folks.... botty LENGTH hair..... Cathy likes Drac-locks, and Euphemia buys baldy-bro a giant comb as revenge for playing boats with her shoes, while Miss Hyde posts Who-spam. (Daltrey, not Doctor....) Cathy has a new vid out, and Miss Hyde goes for a job interview....ENGLAND awaits.....

Elb flies by and drops a post in ENGLAND’s direction while she heads off to catch up. It lands on Euphemia, and Sparkle adds her contribution, also in fly-by mode as she’s off granny-visiting.... Cathy guiltily posts Huge Ackman spam from last night’s film, inspiring White-shirt love from Elb. Miss Hyde returns, dejected as she thinks she didn’t get the job, Snow commiserates with pirate-spam, while Em does Davenport..... Elb sneaks in a quick Bangkok Gerry while nobody’s looking, and gives him a well-earned thunk. Em has to zip it, and Euphemia hoovers frantically...... Miss Hyde agrees it’s certainly thunk-worthy, but Snow goes all out with a thunk-thud combo at the thought of Gerry in pirate gear. ENGLAND cross their fingers for Miss Hyde, and Euphemia valiantly goes to watch Stenders for Queen and Country...... Tina worries that ENGLAND are playing dress-up with 18th century men, and Cathy sleep-types as she’s so tired, but Miss Hyde kindly offers her Gerry’s spare shoulder for a snooze.

ENGLAND are in the mood for spending money - Goffy buys a new car and DVDs, and Yorkie decides to buy a new house. Marsha updates ENGLAND on her friend Stone’s progress with leukaemia, and ENGLAND send their good wishes. Jackie - Little Miss - from the KT pops in to say hello, and to pimp her new vid to ENGLAND, and Yorkie tells Goffy that she’s not got itchy feet, but fleas if she wants to move again after 27 houses...... Euphemia comes back thoroughly cheery after Stenders, and Catherine books Gerry’s other shoulder for a bunk-down..... Tina’s bored, and she, Euphemia, Cathy and Catherine are still a glitter-free zone. Del arrives at the castle and makes a mess, but Els doesn’t pay any attention as she’s watching Pirate-porn, and Miss Hyde keeps getting distracted by bewigged Davenports and is cynical about singing second cousins...... Yorkie posts Bored Gerry to keep Tina company, and Catherine couldn’t care less about Parker’s performance, as she had a good old natter anyway! On the moving house debate, Miss Hyde is scared, as she and her house have lived together for 18 years, and she is shortly to be cast out to University. Goffy assures everyone that they will all be visited by the Glitter Fairy before long, and Del rambles about in the castle, seeking drink before announcing she has been out to the “home of gof”. Goffy looks somewhat surprised. Elb is confused, and rambles, and Catherine rambles off to bed exhausted by her weekend.

Tina’s down for a Shanghai Shuffle, and Barbara’s on the Redeye after catching up with 500 posts! Del pleads for help with her stationery addiction, but Elb is gloating over new Post-Its, so isn’t the right person to ask.....Miss Hyde squeezes out another couple of posts to warrant an explosion of WOOTing as she reaches 1000.... Eeyore lived in the same house for 30 years until last year, and Del muses that home is not just a house, but people too, and Marsha thanks ENGLAND and particularly Goffy for beautifully-put thoughts for Stone, before going to visit little Jack, born last night. Del tempts Elb with talk of new mini-pens, and Miss Hyde thanks ENGLAND most graciously for their fine display of WOOTing........ The castle aquires another dog, and Del needs room for her latest acquisition too..... Elb, still struggling, pleads with ENGLAND to just STOP POSTING while she tries to catch up! Euphemia’s brakes are shot, (as are the brains of most of the team) and Miss Hyde mutinies against the “Elbmeister” as she is now termed.....before heading for her bunk, worn out from WOOTing..... Poor Barbara still hasn’t caught up as her computer crashed, so she admits defeat for the night, and Euphemia goes off to bury herself in Jamie, while Em hands out marshmallows! Yorkie is stll playing with her new phone and asks what everyone has as ringtones - Tina is ‘Filthy Gorgeous’, Cathy does ‘MOTN’, Em has many, and Del wants more! Goffy can’t figure hers out, while Elb can’t stand tinny tunes, and has a proper old-stylee telephone ring on her mobile.... Yorkie can’t make up her mind. Everyone talks mobiles for so long, that Elb spontaneously combusts,Goffy becomes a blubbering idiot, and Yorkie regains her virginity. Em meanwhile loses hers and turns to the dark side.....Goffy is soon to become a Born-Again Virgin too. Elb meanwhile, blogging away in the distance, calls out a warning about Bluetooth hijackers.......

Eeyore bids farewell to all, as she needs rest before facing Dracula tomorrow at the Blood Donation centre, Yorkie is cream-crackered from wrestling Gerry onto her phone, and Em tries Gerry as a visual cocoa. Jo sighs back into the thread after an evening at the cinema with Berenise and their hubbies, watching Big Ger and the Big Yin in ‘Mrs Brown’ on the big screen..... She confesses to Snow that she ALMOST missed THE scene, and just about caught Gerry’s arse as it wandered off-screen along with her brain..... Snow is aghast that Jo hasn’t seen any Gerryfilms at the cinema before now, and Jo admits that she never noticed “the little poppet” running starkers beside Billy as she is blase about nekkid Connolly........... Snow pees herself with laughter, and puts ENGLAND to bed, chuckling...............

Elb cusses late-night Jo..............