ENGLAND 88: Two Fat Ladies or........

..........'a pair of female persons of an above-average body mass index....BritTarts espouse political correctness!'

Miseryguts Catherine opens the curtains to find the Law of Sod has plopped through ENGLAND’s letterbox. Snow sneaks in a quick Cap’n Jack, and Elb annoyingly whistles Monty Python tunes......Jo needs matchsticks after a restless night of ticket-losing nightmares, and Catherine too has been visited by the Panic Fairy in her dreams.... Gusti has watched movies into the wee small hours with reckless abandon, as she’s still on holiday, but Eeyore can’t see the Colin Farrell attraction... Els has dreamed of her favourite pirate, and apart from the eyeliner, flowing locks and pirate gear, not to mention gender, is just like him.... Catherine is still under the hormonal cloud, but soldiers on, and waits impatiently to become one of the glitterati..... Barbara asks after Gusti’s catching-up fingers, and Els posts piratespam to cheer folk up. Gusti follows suit, and is still waiting for her absent brain to find its way home....

Em joins the ranks of the Glitterati Tarti, but Euphemia looks on the bright side - no postie means no bills. Gusti unpacks at last, driven by the need for clothes, and Catherine and Barbara do doggy talk, while Miss Hyde returns to ENGLAND from the wilds of Liverpool..... She has seen the Who, POTC2 AND had her sparkly letterbomb waiting for her when she got home! Tipped off by the steam rising from Abridged, she heads off on a hunt for ‘Push-Up’....Gusti is complacent that she will avoid the glitter ambush, but Elb has arranged for the ticket to be sent direct to her, so she too will join the Glitterati. There is no sparkle yet for Sparkle or Euphemia, who plans to use her hubby as cover, and Els does lunch with Johnny....Breila gets frustrated but ends up dancing, and Em’s bistro cuisine is a Doritos sandwich.....Jo spends the day making panto props - altogether now - “Oh no she doesn’t!”.....and Em has glittera-tea, while Marsha breezes in and out like the proverbial fiddler’s elbow......

Jo posts a link which leads to very promising news on the B&G front - a possible screening in North London at the end of the month! Miss Hyde has a rant off-site, possibly due to lack of sleep, and Elb makes a new friend in the Lovely Duncan, plumbing colleague of the now slightly less Lovely Marcus..... Euphemia is still sparkle-less, as is Tina, who sadly can’t make a B&G screening....Jo and Euphemia muse over the language differences between the UK and the US. Jo decides fancy dress is pants, and Euphemia hangs her pumpkin cossie back in the wardrobe..... Elb wonders where ENGLAND are, and Goffy, Catherine and Snow creep out of hiding, while Cathy has been busy PMing everyone about the Trip That Must Not Be Mentioned..... Parker is undergoing hairnet humiliation again, as ‘Mummy’ Catherine packs his bag for the weekend..... Sparkle has intermittent sparkles: no twinkly ticket yet, but she has an early C-word present from Ma & Pa. She worries about her friend in hospital, so her sparkle is a little dimmed....Goffy is annoyed that it still hasn’t rained, so posts Gerspam in the hope that it does....Most people admit to owning MP3 players such as the one that Sparkle just received, and Elb loves hers because it constantly surprises her! ENGLAND offer sympathies for Sparkle’s friend, Elb has dinner bought for her, then pushes her benefactor out the door, while Catherine departs for an early night as she leaves for the show tomorrow with her poor ritually humiliated dog. Elb makes the mistake of mentioning back-to-back Tennant-Totty, and Jo and Tina desert ENGLAND faster than a speeding Tardis.

Sparkle tells more about her very poorly friend, and thanks ENGLAND for listening, and Cathy reveals that she was in office heaven today after shutting herself in the stationery cupboard at work....... Sparkle is deeply envious. Hard-working Eeyore is another deserter for the Tennantfest, despite needing pit-props to keep her eyes open. She and Goffy are suffering from terminal Hayfever, which interferes with the serious business of Gerryviewing. Elb worries that she is Moleskine-obsessed, but has managed to achieve results in stationery addiction whilst at work! She too decides on an early night with Jamie, leaving chilly Miss Hyde wondering where everyone - and the day - has gone... Eeyore, soon to be a Marek-Mummy, finally goes to bed, followed by Jo and all is peaceful - until Gusti is brought home from a night out to find that the Glitter Fairy WILL visit after all.......She complains that for the cost of developing her photos, she could have bought a digital camera, so she joins Elb on a digi-cam hunt, and on that note, goes to bed to dream of twinkly coffee......