ENGLAND reaches 81 - or is it 18?

ENGLAND is up at the crack of dawn, for today is the day that tickets go on sale for TartCon2!!! Tina cannot sleep and has an early breakfast, followed by Catherine and Elb, who appear to have developed an uncanny knack for simultaneous posting! Permission has been granted to use the B&G poster art for T shirts, and Elb has hers under way already, while Catherine collides with dogs... Kelli pops in for BC, missing Elb somewhere in cyberspace, as she has gone to the KT ! Elb lectures on ‘T-shirt printing for the Clueless’, Tina answers to anything, and Jo was also up at unearthly o’clock..... The site is ominously slow, and ENGLAND collectively cross their fingers. They mull over where the Con is going to be, how big it will be, and whether the site will crash...... Snow is grouchy because the BritTarts are too bladdy bouncy, and Daft wishes everyone well for the day before heading off to a tedious conference... Snow gets bored and whiney, while ENGLAND study their horoscopes, and Sparkle decides to go to the Con come Hell or high water.... Euphemia is in “Are we there yet?” mode, and Jo and Elb get home for lunch...

ENGLAND bounce some more, and fill the time with doing polls for under-rated actors..... Tina worries about whether she can book tickets for her, Berenise and both hubbies, and Els begins a countdown...... The Team begin to arrive, and Private Goffy reports for duty to Commander-in-Chief Elb, Tina takes up nail-biting, and Em and the Twins join the tense Tarts online. Euphemia crosses everything but still worries, Tina makes a decision, and Louby is ready to throw her PC out of the window....The tension rises, but Euphemia thinks it’s just wind, and Elb has sad news about her terminally sick washing machine. ENGLAND holds a respectful silence for a minute, then Elb addresses the troops once more to get them assembled for Registration, but the illusion is spoiled when she has to pee.....

There are multiple Gergasms throughout ENGLAND as the team await the magical hour of 3pm... which ticks past......Sweat beads on the brows of Team ENGLAND, poised with mouse fingers twitching, and credit cards clutched in sweaty hands...It’s all too much for Sergeant Wolfshead, who cracks under the strain and posts a wobbly in triplicate, then all Hell breaks loose as the World and his wife try to get into the site for registration....

Gradually, ENGLAND return to the thread reporting success in registering - First past the post is Els, then Goffy, followed by Catherine. Euphemia THINKS she has - and the exciteable BritTarts talk hotels. Kelli from the KT has also had success, Miss Hyde has almost booked and Tina is grateful that an anonymous BritTart has paid for the Wolfshead/Berenise party’s deposit..... ENGLAND do what they do second best, and worry that they’ve filled out the forms correctly, where to stay and whether to start planning yet.... although the Con is more than a year away! Team Hubby is beginning to amass more members with old hands Lord Wolfshead and Mr Berenise, and Mr JoMar adds to the ranks.... Elb promotes Goffy to Sergeant, and Catherine missed celebrating 2222 posts in all the giddiness! Belated WOOTs take place! Tina starts a planning thread in the Get-Togethers, and Sparkle jumps on the bandwagon, while tired ENGLAND awaits the posting of the Attendees list....

Laura makes a quiet entrance, just to reassure ENGLAND that she’s around, but not feeling sociable, and Elb is so busy blogging the earlier posts that she fails to notice ENGLAND has gone quiet..... On investigation, she finds that they have moved over to the planning thread and are busy gassing about Glasgow! Sparkle and Jo get a giggle out of Elb’s Final Address to the Troops via text, especially as Jo’s phone gave her good (but silent!) vibrations.... Cathy too has registered, and is relieved that TartCon2 is after her daughter’s wedding... There is excitement over the Hollywood Glam aspect of the Con, but Jo and Elb don’t DO glam.... Elb has had calls from both Gusti and Del, and booked them both places at the Con, and is thinking of charging booking fees! Goffy peels her eyeballs, which accounts for her seeing Elb as Audrey Hepburn glam...... Elb makes note to buy Goffy some serious glasses and a white stick..... Daft also joins the No-Glam Brigade, and Elb ponders a Shelley Winters look, only marginally more alive, while Goffy is after an LBD and becomes ENGLAND’s Glasgow Fashion Guru..... Em wants to do the new thread, but holds back while Elb posts one she made earlier.....

.....and ENGLAND roll smoothly into ‘82 - It’s TartCon2! Booked and Paid For!’....... launching immediately into Panic Stations because Yorkie has to be in Rome the day after TartCon.......... In the midst of Tart mayhem, Elb announces she does Bolox rather than Botox, and goes to sit in the naughty corner. Team ENGLAND become impromptu travel agents, combing the Net for solutions to Yorkie’s dilemma, while Cathy pedals off round her bedroom to Pompeii...... Els is icky, so doesn’t hang around, and Eeyore has also registered for Glasgow 07. Del arrives back online after spending the day with Gusti again, and Tina wonders if the Red Carpet theme of TartCon2 has anything to do with the possible premiere of “300”.... Jo steadfastly refuses to wear leather undies, Catherine thinks the premiere is March anyway, and Smugs arrives to chaos, also having booked a place.... Goffy may have found Yorkie a solution, and ENGLAND feel all warm and fuzzy because they are working together.... Catherine wants to put Team ENGLAND in for Fan of the Month.... and Yorkie is uber-grateful for all the help. Del asks for opinions on an image, and gets a variety of answers, while Eeyore does battle with her new chair and loses.... Elb is impatient to know if the squad have made it onto the ‘G’ list, and winds up ‘Worried of Mitcham’....

Del is having Brain Farts, and Euphemia wonders whether her ears spin round as a result, while Miss Hyde worries that she has peed off DebiDM due to errors in ticket paymentage. Del replies that her aural receivers occasionally fall off, and has trouble with exploding grey matter.... Eeyore posts the view from her window, and ENGLAND draw a collective breath, as the mountain view is spectacular. Euphemia worries about creating the right effing impression, and Snow shows up, a tad jealous that she can’t make TartCon2..... Elb is jealous of Eeyore’s outlook, and can only see ghetto life or leaves, as her house is slowly being eaten by Triffids.......She reassures Euphemia that NOBODY is as effing crude as she..... Del needs a PA, Jo is off to the Highlands(hortbread tin) and Cathy turns her fickle attention to Laurent instead of Jamie....Miss Hyde encourages ‘gril’ power, and Eeyore finally wins the Battle of the Chair. Yorkie heads off to drown her sorrows in a bubble bath, Breila takes a break from being a UN Family PeaceKeeper, and has yet to book her ticket, while Em rants against Paypal who won’t let her log in and change her payment..... ENGLAND comforts both....Yorkie has non-working chocolate, and Em needs a semi-nekkid Attila to cheer her up as Paypal nearly drives her to drink...... ENGLAND hits the picspam to cheer Em and Breila up, and in the flurry of picspam that ensues, Em is nearly sick at the sight of ginger spamminess. Elb has overdosed on webbiness, and has racked up nearly ten hours straight online..... She even WOOTs for football! Breila gets poetic, Jo wonders about cyberkennels and Daft does a brain fart...ENGLAND finally gives in and retires for the night, leaving Snow at her desk, describing her job to Elb, who went to sleep some time ago.........

And finally, Team ENGLAND falls quiet after the madness that was TartCon2 Registration Day......