ENGLAND 76 - 76 Bottles of Beer on the Wall......

Catherine cranks up ENGLAND’s engines and gets the show on the road, followed by a sleepy Elb. Snow signs off the nightwatch, and suggests chocolate coated coffee beans to dispel any idea of sleep.......... Neither Catherine nor Elb have yet posted their trip stories, and feel the moment may have passed... After her wibble last night, it takes Elb a while to find her mojo, but it returns when Jo reminds ENGLAND about the Summer Solstice at Stonehenge, and Elb imagines Ken Barlow in Druid get-up..... Tina takes Wednesday off to mount ConWatch, and Elb suggests a picnic at standing rocks at Avebury stone circle for West Country Tarts...Del is about to exchange Breakfast Club for the Golf Club, and is dressed for the part, Snow has sticky eyeballs, and Els gives the Rat Pack four stars! Euphemia is even late for elevenses, and the picnic idea snowballs.....Els announces the football fixtures, and Eeyore cries as she thinks she’s too remote to meet anyone. Signe keeps popping in when no-one’s at home, and gets confused again.... Sophie says hi from Down Under and the Twins sign up for the Avebury Picnic! Goffy thinks it’s too far, but fancies her pants being scared off instead.... Euphemia has vamped it up with the Dracula Society at Whitby, and Catherine turns into the Mad Washerwoo-man so her house doesn’t smell!

Em’s effing internet is back on, so she hares off to catch up, and the Twins are desperate to go anywhere! Euphemia gets antsy, and Catherine starts the chocolate mousse saga again.....Tina apologises in advance as her modem is up the spout, and Jo comes to Euphemia’s rescue with an anti-ant remedy, but Euphemia feels guilty of anticide...... Em breaks things and everyone in ENGLAND is communally exhausted and wants Gerry juice..... Els does a drive-by, Snow wants to trade jobs with Em and Daft gets in a huff. Catherine says that Gusti is loving Inverness, and sends her love to all the BritTarts! Berenise vows to get to Inverness too, and asks Daft when Doddy let her out.... Cathy’s still on a high, and Del is grumpy, tired and wet...while Miss Hyde returns, happy with her exam tally for the day, and offering blister advice to Del. Snow pulls a sickie from work to play in ENGLAND and hide the extra head she has grown overnight... Sparkle is on a mission to convert a friend to Gerriness, and has shown her pics of Saturday Tarts, looking “sane and normal”.....
Uh-oh....... Miss Hyde admits to being a wimp and a freak. Elb has become Uber-Mummy to all, and has been dispensing maternal advice to an affianced daughter, and a tearful engineer. She is stunned to find her picnic idea has grown into the Next Big Thing, and Tarts are divided between picnics and scary castles.... Sparkle sympathises, Barbs empathises and Del complains of blistered tootsies, carpal tunnels and swollen knuckles. She also has to pack... Snow suggests that she could soak her feet in a basin of water whilst connected to the internet.... Wise advice from a 911 despatcher? Elb posts an equation of what the rash combination could do to Del, and uses her Spontaneous Combustion emoticon to illustrate her point...

Goffy loves the macabre vid that Daft posted as a lovely nightcap last night - the rest of ENGLAND are divided.... Elb’s emoticon launches a bizarre conversation about farting, in which Euphemia claims ‘ladies just deflate...’, Snow reckons that wimmin’s yakking lessens the pressure, and Del just farts like everyone else! Snow scares her cats, and Breila quotes Python verbatim for Elb, who hasn’t got a memory..... Gracie pops in for intelligent conversation, and is sadly disappointed, while Del gets philosophical about the variation in male v female farts. Els marches in after practising, beer in hand and is grateful to Eeyore who has told her where to find a Dean Martin poster... Euphemia sings Python songs, and Del flogs an expired equus...(It has ceased to be.....) with yet more flatulent musings.

Catherine, reading Goffy’s comment that G sometimes lurks, asks LOUDLY if it was really him on Saturday, and the genteel laydeez of Team ENGLAND are sure to impress with a belching competition, having moved on with their bodily functions, much to Yorkie’s disgust! Els and Snow are at the ready, carbonated beverages in hand, while Del’s bad habits include nasal unpacking..... Breila and Del move onto contortions, until Cathy decides it’s PicSpam time! Yorkie in a desperate attempt to raise the tone of the thread, posts links to York and Whitby, both possible venues for Tarting About... Tina logs in on Lord Wolfshead’s company lappy and is blocked from seeing links or pics. She has sent off the cheque to CLIC and requested signed photos from Gerry and Tennant-totty.... folk discuss how long it took to receive their Gerriness....

Returning to the human body and its marvels, Breila reveals she is impossibly bendy, and Euphemia can’t escape ENGLAND... Gracie reveals the secret of her cool, calm look on Saturday, and Goffy just goes with the flow. Snow muses over the smell of a hall full of unwashed Vikings, and Del wonders which taboo to tackle next..... Gracie explains her absence with housework and domestic duties, as well as hanging around with Jools Holland. Cathy advises her to visit Pompeii when she goes on holiday, and multi-tasks..... Euphemia retires to rest her chuckle muscles, while Els is out of luck in the Dean Martin department, and Elb recounts how the Yorvik Experience was so authentic, she nearly puked! She also pervs over the sweet-smelling engineer she had the good fortune to comfort at work......

Jo retires for the night to belch, fart and scratch and generally act like a bloke. Catherine wants to visit Jo Malone’s store when she and Elb go to Glasgow next month, and Cathy tells of her trip there last TartCon, when she discovered Gerry had been there too! Eeyore is glad to have been of help to Els, Yorkie, Catherine and Cathy are off to bed, and Em joins the Migraine Club. Elb goes to set up Thread 77, and Snow has been reading one of Elb’s formative works.... “In Defence of Haggis” .... The final trio of Snow, Elb and Eeyore tootle over to 77