England 74 - Almost 3/4 of a century of blabbing....

Back from Tarting About with the masses in London, Elb falls automatically back into posting mode next morning, and has Breakfast Club alone (Gusti is there telepathically, although without cyber-connection) before Catherine deigns to show... Peigi wants to know if Elb is really Els’ web mummy, and Elb explains what that means and why.... Catherine arrives and promptly disappears to catch up, and Jo can barely keep her eyes open... Elb sends out search parties for Euphemia, and Catherine threatens a photo of the Breakfast Crew.... ENGLAND has accrued more members whilst the majority were away, and Catherine and Elb compare blisters. Tina and Euphemia are the second BC wave, and all are amazed at the amount of laundry such a weekend has generated, particularly accident-prone Catherine, who had unfortunate encounters with melted lipstick and chewing gum amongst other minor catastrophies....Smugs drops in for late brekkie, and ideas are floated for the next BritTart gathering...Trace pop in, and Goffy finds a new image to taunt everyone with, causing Els, Yorkie and Goffy to get all of a tizzy. Words fail Tina, and Evangelia is off to Greece, where B&G is about to open! Em is Gerry-lagged, and Els is sufficiently tizzied up to replace the Boosh Boys in her siggy with Gerry and a ciggy... Eeyore needs a hug....(overtones of Shrek?) and the Twins finally make it home.

Nobody can settle - and Yorkie is stuck online, forced to eat the chocolate orange she brought to share... Els however, DID share her sweeties, bought by MummyEls. Catherine has driven 750 miles this week, but she too is stuck on the interwebby highway and can’t - or won’t - get off! Euphemia is all for the Butler Birthday Bash, and Els avoids the Real World with Butler, Boosh and Band....Breila (Danish) wants to be English, and Els is bereft at the loss of a moustache.... Catherine tells all that Gerry has injured his back during filming, and so is not travelling, and Em feels qualified to offer sports massage.... at her own cost! The BritTarts rally en masse to offer sympathy and TLC for the poor Butler boy....Els and Breila want Men in Tights, and Tina announces that she, Yorkie and the BritTart Gathering made it onto the front page of the site! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Next up in the Exciting News stakes, is the fact that Admin will announce the dates for TartCon2 on 28th of June! Team ENGLAND champ at the bit, and The Big Plan is made ready..... Teatime Tarts arrange round-the-clock surveillance on the threads....and Euphemia, Berenise and Jo do a little bouncing on behalf of all.... Snow joins in, and Elb, fresh back from work, issues a triple WOOTer with a spare, just in case.... Goffy, Em and Sparkle are all tired, but bouncing, and Tarts rush backwards and forwards between UK threads to check on photos and stories from London... Miss Hyde worries that she may not be on The List, but is, and relaxes into her exams, while frantic Smugs works up for hers, and Els has forgotten an outing with the Bandstand tomorrow, so fabbed-out is she from Saturday! Laura drops in, upset because it was her uncle’s funeral today and she couldn’t go. ENGLAND hugs...... and Laura is slightly cheered by getting POTO tickets. Euphemia voices concerns over deposits for booking TartCon2 places and Yorkie takes the day off for ironing, but tells Gerry he’ll have to go commando as he never took her up on her offer to iron his boxers..... ENGLAND thunks at the very thought......and the thread gets messy with fantasies unwinding all over the place! Els needs hugs, (swiftly given via text by Elb) and Elb publishes The List to reassure Miss Hyde that she is on it! Cathy rushes in after posting on the Get-Together thread, and refuses to cycle round her bedroom as she walked all weekend! Em’s fantasies involve chocolate mousse (or mice?) and are best left wound, but Berenise wants them unravelled...... Tina appreciated Elb’s Tennant-totty picspam at the table, whilst Em has to apologise for nearly killing Blu at the sight of Hunky Who-ness....

Eeyore has had a boring day, but brightens when Els reminds ENGLAND about Beau Brummel on TV, starring James Puresex.... Em swears to take the Mystery of the Chocolate Mousse to her grave, but as Gusti was a party to the incident, Berenise vows to interrogate her.... Elb throws down the Smut-Gauntlet which is taken up by Yorkie, who recounts the Suspended ‘Haggis’ incident in the Tate Modern that sent the BritTart Art Critics into hysterics on Sunday, and reminds Elb of the Drac ceiling-joy moment, and Catherine of hubby’s comment that Lucy is “getting her come-uppance....” Elb thinks she’s caught up, but gets left behind again... the thread gathers speed and runs swiftly downhill.... Catherine has missed celebrating her 2000th post, so there are belated WOOTs for that, then Euphemia gets her final set of lips and it starts all over again! Em’s chocolate mousse story is finally revealed in bits by Cathy and Goffy, who give hints of P words, pineapple rings and a great deal of misunderstanding! Elb abridges up to the end of 74, falls off and straight into 75, set up beautifully by Yorkie.......

ENGLAND 75 - Our Diamond Jubilee, coz diamonds are a girl’s best friend....begins with a Carry-On theme, and carries on.... Yorkie does Carry-On and Karaoke with Sir Cliff, and Euphemia is cheered by getting her final lips...Catherine does Kenneth Williams, Goffy does Sid James, Debbie Does Dallas... and Em has a huge bruise on her bum. Breila (Laura) wants to go on The List, as she’ll be at work on the day of The Announcement, Eeyore announces ‘Nekkid Puresex’! and Elb is burned out..... Even she doesn’t understand what she’s on about.... Del is overworked, Catherine needs to unglue her bum, and Em spots a Puresex threesome! Yorkie’s world turns yellow and she asks for the Sensible Room, but ENGLAND goes bananas instead and descends into the GutlerMine via the Banana Lounge.... Elb wonders if all her favourite threads have been merged.... Goffy needs a hand (or a nose...), Breila fails utterly in being sensible and watches POTO for the squillionth time, Del needs hands and Cathy and Eeyore deny all knowledge of the Sensible Room, especially with Nekkid Puresex around.... Em falls into the mine, and Elb doesn’t DO sensible, but DOES do Donovan and dancing bananas......Els admires Puresex arse, and Del has trouble getting into the asylum. Yorkie explains that we are all “hysterically overtired, have been down the mine several times and are exchanging Smut-Gauntlets”. She also has a tip for getting out of a straitjacket.... Eeyore casts Puresex arse as Randall in Cross Stitch, Catherine goes to bed before getting a red card from hubby, and Breila wants to bird-bed down in the Lair.....Jo flies by to mention yellow towels as that is the theme this evening...and Smugs runs round the house to calm her exam nerves....Exhausted Tarts head off to bed before utter insanity takes a permanent hold ...Yorkie has been hijacked by a sprog to watch Timeline, despite needing pitprops to keep her eyes open, and Els assures a disappointed Elb that Purearse will be repeated.....Snow meantime, is trying to make sense of pineapple rings, male body parts and Puresex.... Els posts a barrage of steamy Puresex picspam then runs, and Eeyore takes the blame for ENGLAND doing smut, while Elb bestows the title of Honorary BritTart (Insane Division) on Snow... Em and Goffy play hoop-la with pineapple rings, and Elb goes to upload her photos.....Eeyore shuts up shop, leaving 911 despatcher Snow on watch over the thread while ENGLAND sleeps......