ENGLAND 75 - Our Diamond Jubilee, coz diamonds are a girl’s best friend....

Despite the late finish, ever-ready Elb is up with the lark and sets up ENGLAND’s stall for the day... to discover that Catherine has just beaten her to it. Sulking, she heads off to finish squishing yesterday’s posts..... Catherine’s mind meanwhile is boggling with the final insanities of last night.......Elb has a rant about family strife, gets warm and fuzzy about Team ENGLAND, and returns to rant mode..... Lady Claire chips in to add her vote that it WAS Gerry who rang the restaurant, and Euphemia reports for Breakfast duty as ordered by control-freak Elb, who swings into full-on Biatch mode....Kelli joins the Breakfast Club to sympathise about getting back to the Real World after a Tart gathering, and hopes to get to TartCon2. Euphemia encourages Elb’s biatchiness and Daft makes a rare appearance as she can’t get in the bathroom for gay men! Buns are on the menu, and Elb echoes Catherine’s sentiments about Team ENGLAND....... While Elb dashes off to do battle, Euphemia reveals her penchant for pegging children on the line and Kelli would be pleased to give Elb biatchin’ lessons if she ever gets to Glasgow... Tina and Jo join the “I-don’t-want-to-go-to-work” brigade, and Catherine celebrates a doggy birthday.

Els yawns in from work, Sparkle does a fly-by, and Daft forgives the lads for bathroom-hogging as they give her a lift to work. They are rewarded by having their faces plastered over ENGLAND! Del shoots through as no-one is around, then Euphemia serves elevenses... Berenise too gets sentimental about ENGLAND as voiced earlier by Catherine, and poor Smugs finishes her exams, but comes home to strife.... Els and Em join the Lurve-fest at lunchtime, and Els’ poem is to be published online! Del posts a lovely piece of prose detailing how she feels about the thread, summing up what most of us feel...... Eeyore agrees, and she and Euphemia offer supportive words to unsettled Smugs. Goffy and Em feel the Lurve, and Jo gets sticky and needs to wash off squash.......Catherine’s back and gives Els’ news a double WOOT, but can’t concentrate, and Goffy is fluffy but bouncy..... Talk turns back to the Con, and everyone hopes to get tickets this year. ENGLAND appears to be blanketed by rain, and Miss Hyde adds her congrats and WOOTS to Els the Writer, then goes for some foo-kin noodles! Tina is stuck at work, and Euphemia drops everything but her underwear through lack of concentration and Goffy wonders about Gracie and Blu, who may or may not be playing with her 12 inches of Gerry....

Del pastes up Gerry-wallpaper but Jo objects, as she doesn’t want to deface The Icon’s face with icons.... Elb gets up to speed on the thread, but brings out the big guns in an effort to slow things down. She too congratulates Els, hugs Smugs and gushes about ENGLAND....... Catherine posts a picture of her birthday girl, and ENGLAND coos.....Goffy pimps a pap vid of Gerry via PM, and Eeyore has problems with her hooves...Signe reappears, having been AWOL for 2 days, Del and Euphemia dispense medical advice to Eeyore, and the Danes gang up to form a sub-thread within ENGLAND! Elb has a text from Gusti, and reports that she is off to Inverness tomorrow, then is meeting up with Delanie next week. Del is shortly off to Skye....... Sparkle is too tired for yoga, and ENGLAND once again indulges in mutual admiration. Cathy gets the wind up, and Del too reports on the intrepid travelling BritTart, Gusti, who is currently tired in Edinburgh... she sends a message to ENGLAND via Del, who is planning on hiring a car to go exploring with Gusti. Signe is confused, and Breila has Bridget Jones thighs... Catherine agrees with Berenise that the pap vid is intrusive, but compelling to watch, then feels guilty... and Yorkie is left in peace with the computer as the family are watching football! Del entertains the Danes with Big Ger and co, while Breila explains that her computer is named Erik!

Sparkle gives a heads-up to a new vid on the GALS site, in which Tonya explains how she met Gerry and came to work for him.... Cathy heads off to the Real World and cycles off round her bedroom, Miss Hyde has been busy procrastinating and forgets about footie, and Jo just lies back and thinks of ENGLAND, as it’s all going too fast for her sticky keyboard.... The other England score, and Elb returns from the Real World, having received a verra unsettling phone call....... Breila asks about the English flag, and gets the Yorkipedia treatment.... Del and the Danes talk fruit, and Elb asks when the next meet-up is to be, as she is suffering Tart Withdrawal.... Yorkie suggests Whitby, and announces a new career as a Tarty-Party Planner! Sparkle has a blonde moment with her printer, and Catherine feels a Glaswegian Brainstorming session approaching. Goffy has a Muppet moment when she wants a Butler Birthday Bash a month before his actual birthday, and Elb and Catherine’s trip to Glasgow is in danger of being hijacked.... Eeyore breathes fire because the Welsh Dragon is missing from the Union Jack, and she, Del and Cathy offer sympathy over Elb’s ex-problem.......Tina suggests a Drac-themed Gerry-party for his birthday in November, in Whitby, and Breila issues an invitation to Yorkie to stop in when passing Copenhagen....Elb and Catherine both issue an End of Thread Alert, and Elb reveals her ex has flirted with her, and said sorry after 13 years, which leads to waterworks..... ENGLAND panic at her disappearance, and issue hug alerts, while Yorkie requests Beowulf-a-likes to escort her into Copenhagen, and refuses to thread-start despite having reserved that honour a while ago!

Del takes up the gauntlet (clean, not smutty) and prepares 76 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.... for ENGLAND. Berenise adds to the GerDrac-birthday party idea with a suggestion of a film show, and Tarting About in hotels..... Goffy is Chief Comforter for tearful Elb, Tina with her crap day, and the rest of Team ENGLAND! Comfort-pics are posted to cheer folk up, and Cathy gets Lost in bed.... Em’s internet is down, and Tina posts that someone bumped into David Tennant in London on Saturday! *Shock, horror* Goffy tries to be good, and Eeyore needs to co-ordinate fingers with brain.... Most of ENGLAND retire for the night, and Snow comes in late, missing the action. After a wibble on the phone to Yorkie, Elb is back and in control again, unlike her ex-husband’s haggis, and she goes to find Sweaty Sawyer in Lost....Eeyore has trouble with flies (like Elb’s ex...) and makes alternative landing arrangements for them..... Yorkie, post-Elb-wibble, returns only to leave again, Elb announces ‘normal’ service has been resumed, and Daft leaves a nasty nightcap....

ENGLAND has nightmares..........