ENGLAND 82 - It’s TartCon2! Booked and Paid For!.......

After the madness that was Registration Day, ENGLAND gets off to a slow start with Catherine and Elb once more posting in tandem, with Catherine doing all the pedalling, and Elb just along for the ride.... Snow joins BC at the tail end of her shift, unable to wind down, just as ENGLAND begin to wind up... Everyone is shattered after the shenanegins, but fortified by the feeling of camaraderie shown yesterday, particularly with all the DIY travel agenting on Yorkie’s behalf. ENGLAND pats itself on the back..... Snow avoids the strait-jacket, Jo suggests putting ‘Team ENGLAND’ in our sigs, and Elb will be wearing many hats to the Convention, or will clone herself.... She hares off to work with a twonk, but not for much longer, Lady Claire proves Elb’s theory of ENGLAND’s togetherness being a draw for many Honoraries, and Kelli wouldn’t mind being from ENGLAND. Jo misses her 1111th post, and Catherine tells Kelli and Denice they are already Hons for the Team. Kelli and Snow hope Gerry doesn’t ‘go Hollywood’, but Del and Jo reckon he needs to get noticed but will make his own choices... Kelli deletes her posts, which makes it verra difficult for Elb, sitting here blogging, to guess what was said! Del is multi-tarting and Jo notices a resemblance between the new B&G DVD artwork, and LOTR.... Daft is hyped-up and wants a chin-wag with fellow Mods, and Snow plans to fly to the UK via Trebuchet! Signe is confoosed again, and Sparkle joins the ‘Will Gerry go Hollywood’ discussion...Els doesn’t drop in..... but does.

Eeyore does lunch, and carries on pimping, while Blu wastes time....Em gets sentimental about Team ENGLAND, and morphs into the Wild Woo-man of Dudley-o... Yorkie plots to change her cruise without telling hubby, but is a wee bit more optimistic that she will get to TartCon2. Em reckons G owes Yorkie a ride....in his non-existent Lear jet, and hopes he’s not computer-savvy enough to read her invisible writing....

ENGLAND re-convene for early-evening picspam, and complain about the heat. Elb returns home from work in homicidal mood, but is placated by Sergeant Goffy who stuffs as much Gerry in as possible..... Em, Goffy and Euphemia talk filthy ice lollies, whilst Barbs tells Elb to chill..... Euphemia doesn’t even pretend to be an adult, while Goffy is in permanent “Carry On Butler” mode... Jo belts in to announce that the Con has SOLD OUT....and Team ENGLAND cross their fingers. Elb returns in a better frame of mind, and relays messages from Catherine - PC having hissy-fit and may, or may not get online, and Gracie, who sends her love, and has just visited Burns’ cottage..... Breila has a good day at work, as her boss isn’t there, and vows to travel to Scotland despite not getting a ticket. Goffy and Em go sparkly with ‘Team ENGLAND’ badges on their siggies, and Euphemia thinks Elb is a medium...(she asks where Grandad buried his stash...) Eeyore smells like a posh Tart’s boudoir, and Miss Hyde announces it’s only 3 months, 3 weeks and 5 shopping days before the C-word..... It’s also 13 months until the Convention..... Jo goes tux-shopping for Marek but returns empty-handed, and Cathy turns into Victor Meldrew on hearing the Con is a sell-out! Em is berated by Elb for saying the C - word, and is sent to the Naughty Corner.... Despite groans all round, the Word is repeated by many....and complaints of the cost of the C - word, but Daft has her son’s 18th to pay for, Euphemia has Magdalena’s 18th, Jo’s daughter will be 16, Cathy has her daughter’s wedding, and Elb is still in shock at being asked to cough up for a £900 dress! Talk swiftly returns to the Con after Barbs says they had an email from Debi confirming their place after an earlier mix-up, so Elb muses that the rest of ENGLAND registered BEFORE the Twins, so should have got on The List.... Eeyore posts a Real Friend test she received from Debbie Goddard - ENGLAND get sentimental again.... Euphemia suggests the Birdie Song as the BritTart anthem, whereas Miss Hyde wants the Archers theme..... The Twins get a new siggy, and Elb wishes Kermit a happy 50th....

Del returns from Loch Lomond, where she bumped into Gusti again, and posts pics of cows in need of a haircut.... Tension rises once more in ENGLAND as the team await confirmation that they have made it onto The List..... Yorkie plans to change the date of her holiday to accommodate Gerry, and despite Elb’s efforts to get Em to threadstart 83, Catherine has to step in....

ENGLAND 83 - The year of MacEnroe and Navratilova at Wimbledon - begins with the news that tennis has been halted by bad light, and the BritTarts drool over strawberries and cream..... Catherine has to leave “before the grumpire gives me a code violation” and an exhausted Els blows in after a three-hour band practise..... Del posts random factoids about flautists, and Em is too late for threadstarting, but delighted to find someone else who hates sports! Elb temporarily loves football as she’s finishing early on Saturday “to watch the match”, and reckons that Els will have distended lips after all the tooting..... Els however finds that perving over the bandmaster helps......

Em causes heart failure when she announces that The List is up! ENGLAND rush off en masse to check, and when they return, it is evident that almost ALL of Team ENGLAND are going to Glasgow!!!!! There are tremendous sighs of relief, and the equivalent of online fireworks are launched, in the form of sparkly Team ENGLAND banners! Daft celebrates by working on the computer in her garden and picking bugs out of her beer... Snow is verklempt at Eeyore’s piccie for her friend, and Elb is mightily relieved that she and the others are ON THE LIST!!! She vows that Team ENGLAND will show the US how Tarting About should really be done.... Smugs fears she will be the lone Danish Tart, but ENGLAND promise to hug her to their collective bosom in Glasgow... Speaking of bosoms - Em and Elb make a note to gaffer-tape their boobs in place to avoid any sudden spillage, and Yorkie (former Boob Wrangler to Elb at TartCon1) sets homework for the team.....

Elb finally catches up as everyone else heads off to bed, and is left to close down the thread for the night. She hopes the cat is out, pug is in and poop-free, and that someone else remembered to set up for Breakfast Club, because she’s too tired......