ENGLAND 87, sliding stickily into 88..........

Elb is first in but Catherine almost Gergasms as she is right behind her, feeling rotten due to “that time”. According to KT gossip, the Push-Up Pop-Up is merely an illusion, but ENGLAND staunchly refuse to believe it, preferring to dream instead. Gusti arrives for BC, closely followed by Lady Claire/Denice for a late-night visit! Jo posts during a thunderstorm, and Catherine goes to the dogs, then becomes a Mad Cow..... Lazy Gusti STILL hasn’t unpacked, but runs out of clothes, and Denice thanks everyone for making her feel at home...Obviously joining the Mad Cows, she wants to meet ENGLAND..... Euphemia feels none too clever, and Catherine allays Gusti’s concerns by telling her she is a busy bunny, but fit as a flea... Elb, having suggested Jo might start a new thread, flees the thread, and Jo hastily declines.... Gusti confirms to Denice that the inmates of ENGLAND are very nice ladies, but Jo managed to overlook them at the last TartCon.... Sickly Misu snores, and Euphemia empathises with Catherine, while confoosed Gusti gives travel pointers for Glasgow when Catherine and Elb visit shortly. Euphemia puts her name down for the Team ENGLAND crusade to Jo Malone’s next July.....

Catherine has an idea for the next thread, and Els declares Pirates Day, as she is going to play with Cap’n Jack after work! Loubylou makes one of her infrequent visits, due to AOL and BT playing pass the parcel with the buck.... She’s off to see ‘Cats’, but firstly goes to check out the vid that caused such a stir last night.... Jo is relieved that Catherine has taken the weight off her shoulders, so she can now jump up and down with excitement as HER TICKETS HAVE COME!!!!!!! She is a happy bunny indeed! Breila’s premature workmen give her a fright, Em chills, Els gets over-excited and Eeyore does a hi-bye..... Catherine offers Jo the honour of threadstarting, but Em likes Catherine’s suggestion, so the honour goes to her! Em and Jo are top and bottom heavy respectively, so combined, would make one fatty, and one skinny.... Goffy gets covered in glitter, tums run in Catherine’s family, but good legs are an also-ran....DebiDM has a contract out on her for including industrial-strength sparklies in the tickets..... Em’s heirlooms take a swan-dive and draw blood, and ENGLAND slide neatly into Catherine’s thread: ENGLAND 88: a pair of female persons of an above-average body mass index....BritTarts espouse political correctness!

The glitter follows Goffy into the new thread where she gives Jo her tips for losing weight: eat tangerines after every meal....... Catherine becomes a DIY cook, in case hubby feeds her stodge, and goes to exercise her eyeballs watching tennis.... Marsha feels tubby....(Does he like it?) and Em wants someone to talk to, so Marsha talks blogs. Em is busy doing nothing, but Jo wishes she was! She and Marsha talk teachers, and Breila relaxes into summer, waxing lyrical about her surroundings as she chills, while fellow romantic Marsha waxes lyrical about dishwashers and baby monitors! Breila and Goffy ask Em about her scriptwriting, and she explains it’s for a film she’s working on, and Gusti gets her pictures developed.....Goffy’s MSN is monkeying around, and Euphemia’s remedy for feeling icky is to open a bottle and chill, while Catherine’s is to go see Doctor Butler for some R&R.....Sparkle joins her, and Euphemia is in homicidal mood while her hubby has vanished.... She awaits the arrival of her TartCon tickets so she has something else to worry about....

Elb finally catches up with the new thread, and enjoys sparkly dinner after opening her Con ticket at her desk...... Euphemia sees it as extra roughage, while Elb sees it as a cause for twinkly toilets.......As it has been declared Pirates Day by Els (POTC2 is out today) Elb has a wooden leg, and was ambushed by Cap’n Jack in her magazine at lunch. Team ENGLAND drool over His Deppness. Cathy gets a slap from Admin for mentioning the prospective Team ENGLAND Butler tour, and gets a warning from Jo to open her ticket carefully! Euphemia puts forward a motion to stop toilet humour forthwith, as she’s getting flushes.... Gusti’s photos are finally ready for viewing - Goffy thinks she looks insane, Em thinks they look drunk, Elb makes a note to avoid all cameras henceforth, but everyone agrees that a lot of fun was had that day in London! Tina announces she has had a thank you note from CLIC, and as-yet twinkle-free Yorkie wonders which bit of her new computer she should pour rain in to send some to Euphemia..... Continuing her toilet theme, Elb sighs over The Lovely Marcus who is coming to sort out her plumbing, and Els votes POTC2 a triple thunker as she is speechless...... Gusti could also use a Marcus, as her shower is broken, and ENGLAND envy Els her Sparrow-lust as it seems everyone wants to see it. Eeyore too is glittery, but from WHAT?! Goffy is distracted by nekkid men, and Cathy indulges in some stationery-love with her new Attila book and some Post-Its..... Euphemia heads off to Hob-Nob with Jamie, which prompts a mass exodus as Team ENGLAND jointly decide on an early night. Elb offers Sparkle her share of glitter, and is a card-carrying member of ScroogeAnon when it comes to That Season.....She and Cathy take their swollen leggies off to bed just as Barbara arrives for a chat; Em is busy researching half-nekkid Attila, so it is left to Eeyore, Breila and Jo to stay up and entertain ENGLAND’s visitor from Switzerland.... They chat about ‘Timeline’ and how it varies from the book; Eeyore loves it because of the romance, Jo likes the historical element, but Breila’s not sure. They chat about other books and Breila reads milk cartons if nothing else is available.... Finally, Matron (Jo) declares it’s time for “Lights out!” and ENGLAND is tucked up for the night.........