ENGLAND 104 rolls on..........

ENGLAND is not quiet during the night, and Jacqlyn, friend of Marsha pops in to see what all the fuss is about. She finds insomniac Euphemia still up to welcome her to ENGLAND.........

Catherine is in first thing, pondering the wisdom of attending a dog show after a 3 hour drive in the rain, or whether to return to bed. Bed is a concept which Euphemia - still awake and fuelled by strong coffee - cannot grasp..... Catherine whizzes off, unable to stay and chat to Euphemia, but Gusti is next in to babysit before she too has to depart for her seminar. Tina takes over and despite being pooped and it piddling down outside, shoots off to work through the rapidly revolving door leaving Elb on duty.......... She and Euphemia find that cats are good listeners, so zombie-like Euph has at least had company during the long night. Much coffee is quaffed and Elb confesses she’s worried about leaving invalid sprog home alone while she goes to work for the day. Euphemia assures her that BabyElb will be fine, and they discuss the legitimacy of child-rearing at gunpoint before Euphemia finally logs off to help Mr The Horrible break his fast - or something else, if caffeine-wired Euph gets her way....... Another insomniac, Angelfish69 appears in ENGLAND just as Elb is leaving for work, so is invited back when there are REAL people online.......

All is quiet until late morning, when Gracie bounces in to announce that it’s her birthday! Miss Hyde is first to wish her Many Happy Returns, and is over the moon to receive a pressie herself! Eeyore starts a Birthday thread for Gracie, and ENGLAND pile in to pass on their good wishes..... Jo revels in the company of so many of the living dead, but feels like ENGLAND is falling apart at the seams, what with her elbow, BabyElb’s knee and Eeyore’s eye! Els posts in from the Apple Store in London, where her credit card scorches her arse, but she resists temptation..... BabyElb pops in, disguised as her absent mother and wishes Gracie a happy birthday, Angelfish drops in for lunch, and technicolour-elbowed Jo accuses Angel’s siggy (correctly) of purloining Malfoy Snr’s hair! ENGLAND are dubious about Gerry going blond for ‘Priest’, but Em’s a happy bunny as long as G’s hair is......... long, that is. Eeyoree loses her mountains, Sparkle sneaks in and out, trying to catch up, and Berenise reports back from a wet Malvern where she and John have just been to see Catherine and Parker at the show. She tells Elb (back early from work) that she has seen Parker in his hairnet! ENGLAND again talk about a possible gathering for the premiere of 300 in March, Elb moans about the weather yet again, and Goffy gives Eeyore an early birthday present of a Wulfy vid set to music from Braveheart. Marsha loses her ‘N’ due to her small charge, and is surprised to see her ‘Carolia tart buddy appeared i EGLAND i the wee small hours’........... She battles to fix the ‘N’ back..........

Catherine is home from the show, but goes to catch up first, Em is off for a second dose of Cap’n Jack, and ‘Eye-eye’ Eeyore is on the mend.... Jackie returns and introduces herself properly to ENGLAND, and hopes to meet the Team for real when she comes to Glasgow for TartCon2.......Euphemia says hi to most of ENGLAND bar Elb, who pointedly makes her presence felt, and Marsha wonders if it’s actually Elb, or BabyElb in disguise again.......... ENGLAND roll out the Welcome mat for Jackie, which is a vast improvement on her earlier entrance when 98% of Team ENGLAND were asnore........ Catherine posts a photo of Parker’s new bestest bud: Mr Berenise! Elb assures Euphemia that she’s not offended at being ignored. At all. Nope. Rather than issue the End of Thread Alert, she cuts out the bulldoo-doo and nails a new thread up, doing a ‘Blue Peter’ moment - ie - “here’s one I made earlier”. She rides roughshod over the thread, having attended the Al Pacino College of Further Education...... Euphemia gets a visit from the heavies, and Elb offers to send in her baseball swinging smileys for immoral support, while Jackie thanks ENGLAND for her warm welcome, and is verklempt......... Euphemia seeks to hire Elb to ‘take care’ of her neighbours, and everyone steps smoothly from 104 into ENGLAND 105 - Your Favourite Radio Station on GB.net! (Tune in for more “BritTarts Talk Trash!”)

Elb opens the new thread a la radio show, with guest Gerry Butler, and asks for questions, but first ‘caller’ Jacqlyn sets the tone by asking what G was REALLY doing at 3AM...... ENGLAND gleefully fall into the Gutler once more, and while the Americans ‘bicker’, Goffy asks about how an actor keeps it down while getting it on. ‘Gerry’ makes a bolt for freedom............... Meanwhile, Marsha murders insects, Elb declines the contract job on Euphemia’s neighbours after tripping over decapitated horses, and Catherine admits to being tired and senile.....Els is back from good but slightly scary footie, and wants more Jack, while Jo and Goffy dare to ponder the issue of whether Gerry does or doesn’t get a rise over love scenes........ Els and Goffy cast Gerry with Johnny Depp, and Jo explainth Aeroth with bubbleth to Marsha. Marsha tells how she has tried the ‘English candy bar around a honeyish crunchy centre’ but can’t remember what it was called. ENGLAND think hard......... Tina asks Gerry why Scottish men are just SO darned attractive, and Miss Hyde is uber-emotional over nothing, so takes her soggy book to bed, while St John’s Wort-a-holic Euphemia has trouble buying shoes as she has two left feet..... Marsha prefers bellydancing to waltzes, Euphemia sends ‘da boyz’ to clean up the horsemeat left at Elb’s, while Eeyore enjoys a nice casserole........ *snicker*.....

Jo’s multi-purpose interrogation methods involve sitting on the victim, while everyone enrols in the Team ENGLAND Formation Belly Dancing Squad, with Euphemia’s top class tum setting a rhythm all on its own........ Eeyore joins in with a belly-laugh, Elb brings a Metro Gnome and ENGLAND ponder whether Gerry LIKES being squished........ Goffy the Tumless posts her latest vid for ENGLAND to vet before she puts it out on general release, and is delighted with the positive response, while Elb is all behind and fears Abridged will be late.... She valiantly offers her services to discover whether Gerry likes squishing, and Eeyore casts Puresex as Mr Rochester in ‘Jane Eyre’ then diets to fit the part of Jane herself...... She picspams wildly to thank Goffy for the vid dedicated to her for her birthday, and Goffy is suitably hysterical....

Madly-Abridging Elb, Hyper-Goffy and Eeyore are last on duty, and when the former fall by the wayside, Eeyore is left to lay the table for Breakfast Club and leave Gerry on guard over ENGLAND while they sleep........

.......... or in Euphemia’s case, not.