ENGLAND 114 - BritTarts celebrate bright sparks!

Gusti creeps in for her solitary breakfast, happy that she’s only working a half day today, and feeling much better about her work.... Euphemia gets the coffee going just in time for Elb who crawls in half-dead - early nights are bad for her.... Annoyingly perky Catherine Gergasms with her first post of the day, and high-fives Euphemia - It’s the first time for ages that the BC4 have made it to Breakfastness - albeit at different times....Catherine posts the first of many birthday tributes to Em, and Elb follows suit while suspicion over funny-tasting coffee falls on Mini-Marek.....Euphemia sympathises over fraught relations and she and Catherine make plans for a busy day doing nothing.... Four Leaf Clover (Nancy) drops in from the KT to announce that all are invited to attend the KT’s one-year anniversary party, and takes time to explain the Bostonian accent of the announcers on WBZ radio, as she herself is a native..... Catherine and Sleepless-in-Wiltshire Jo thank Nancy for her trouble and Jo smiles smugly about Elb’s malodorous coffee, while Els has a quickie and adds her greeting to Em’s pile. Eeyore sets up a birthday thread for her, Els looks forward to a Letch-a-thon over hunkalicious DVDs, and Em gets gremlins on her birthday, and a Goffy-made Tshirt with “Got Nessie?” on the back!

Del does lunch, but needs help.....Goffy speeds to the rescue, and rips ‘Dear Frankie’ apart. Vanessa joins ENGLAND from playing away in London, Em plays head honcho at work, and Catherine gets the credit for all Goffy’s hard work! Els stares dreamily at the Depp/Butler combo of Del’s sig, then posts random links of the day on the subject of the former rather than the latter...... Goffy leads Del by the virtual hand through loads of uploads, downloads .....then implodes, while Lady Claire has card trouble. At last, Del is no longer a vidding virgin, and gore-fearing Catherine points out to Gracie that ALL UK DVD players are Region 2..... She vows to watch the forthcoming blood-fest of 300 through her fingers, and Lady Claire shows signs of becoming a Paranoia Clan member by wanting a spare copy of B&G - just in case........

ENGLAND take a collective deep breath as booking opens for the one-off showing of B&G in London, and Jo starts a list of who sits where, while tardy Breila wishes Em a happy birthday, and Elb bears the first of many messages from the intrepid travelling Yorkie.... She reports back that not only is her cabin near the internet cafe on board, but that Mr Yorkie alas cannot escape his love-rival - POTO is showing in the ship’s cinema! Yorkie is a happy little traveller....... Els fears she has failed in her duties by not waving the Amazing Floating Yorkies off, but Catherine assures her that they departed from a more Northerly venue. Els’ own boating adventure begins in less than 53 days, and she tells Elb that yes, she will be suitably attired in pirate bandana..... Gracie and the rest of ENGLAND encourage Elb to tell her boss porkies so she can join ENGLAND for B&G in Finchley, but Honest Elb cannot tell a lie...

Tina pops in to check when Gerry will be teasing ENGLAND, and is joined by Sparkle who tells the Team that Blu is on the move again, and Berenise apologises via Tina for being AWOL as she is having problems with power outages...... Euphemia hedges her bets and says hello to anyone and everyone as ENGLAND tune into WBZ again for Broadcasts with Mr B. Els spots that ‘Priest’ has been delayed, suggesting that the radio ‘news’ may involve a new film, and borrows Elb’s tenterhooks until all is made clear. ENGLAND hopes for news of ‘Burns’ and Catherine dashes all hopes of a good letch by revealing that there will be NO revealing insights into ‘300’ - only boobs......Euphemia has to dash post-Wulfy, Gracie speed-reads to littl’un before Butler-time, and Tina is appalled at the lack of nudity in ‘300’. Elb issues the ubiquitous End of Thread Alert and leaves something to her fertile imagination, while Berenise is excited by Wulfiness, but upset by King Leo’s no-show ‘nads...... There’s an echo in ENGLAND, and Sparkle spends, while Lady Claire yearns for Burns.....

Elb opens “ENGLAND’s 115th Thread of Idiocy - Like the Duracell bunny, it just keeps on running”.......... but changes it to “Erudition” in deference to Sparkle who takes a dislike to the thread title, and ENGLAND are devastated to learn of ‘Priest’s hold-up.... Els suffers from bad timing and the inability to tune her internet radio in, Tina wonders if other Tarts have booked for B&G, Eeyore’s cold, and the Team kill time before Butler by chatting about the weather, then Tarts and Hons alike gather round the radio again.........At Butler time, the Man Himself announces that he’ll be filming a Swanky new rom com, much to ENGLAND’s delight and Els’ grumpy disgust.... Goffy asks someone to text Em what’s going on (Elb obliges)..... The general consensus is YAY! but there are one or two not so keen......

Elb makes the announcement that should anyone want to wrest control of threadstarting from her manic grip, then Men In White Coats should be applied in quantity, and threads hoisted while she’s thus imprisoned......

Conversation centres around ‘PS. I Love You’ for some considerable time, and ENGLAND flock off to Amazon for copies of the book, while Elb hits the roof after discovering that filming is scheduled for New York at the same time she SHOULD have been there! Lady Claire declares herself a Lazy Cow, Elb admits being an Obsessive Control-Freak, and Gusti is better late than never in wishing Em felicitations of the day.... After Elb changes the title of the thread to please Sparkle, Euphemia questions the accuracy of ‘Erudition’ and it’s a no-win situation for Elb. Cathy’s reading list gets ever longer, and Gracie is relatively disturbed whilst listening to the Butler.....Els slopes off to the cinema, leaving ENGLAND to chatter excitedly about the news of Gerry’s new role, Gusti and Finally-caught-up Barbara are online at teh same time, and Cathy reveals her disappointment in love. ENGLAND admires her bravery in taking steps to determine the way forward, and she can now move on..... Eeyore heart too has suffered long-term love damage, and she sympathises with Cathy.....

Jo, Barbara and Gracie labour under the misapprehension that Elb is in charge, but she hastily corrects their erroneous assumption....She’s not grown-up enough to be in charge.....Miss Hyde can’t cope with multi-Tarting, and retires to let her brain spin down, while Gusti issues threats to Barbara’s husband and Jo drowns in a sea of Post-Its.... Poorly Goffy heads off for the night after pimping Del’s vid, and Sparkle resorts to Hokey-Cokey posting in between Big Brother shows, while Vanessa peers at ENGLAND through an alcoholic haze from her London hotel room...... Eeyore gets Eeyore for her birthday, and Gusti tries loading her “i-pot” but gets frustrated. Marsha bowls in with a rant about being taken for granted, but gets a maid to replace her, Gracie pops in for a quickie as she’s bored, Gusti catches up after a fashion, and Elb finally gets Mini-Marek’s boots on after a spot of surgery..... Marsha explains that she won’t have to play housemaid as well as nursemaid, Eeyore eats seaweed to help her cycle and Gusti gets a medal for Staying Awake above and beyond the call of duty....... Elb promises no more mini-clotheses for Mini-Mareks......until the next time.... and Gusti tells her to slow down - a classic case of the Pot Calling the Kettle Black! Marsha is up before “The Jury” tomorrow, and she and Jo fret over Thyroidal Eeyore, while back-from-the-flicks Els apologises for being an arse earlier......

Marsha puts the thread to bed and prepares things for the Breakfast Clubbers tomorrow, and she and Late-Night Jo finally switch off the lights after a flash of red cards...........

ENGLAND sleeps............