ENGLAND 126 - The Wanderer Returns!

(Team ENGLAND welcome back one of their own....)

In the wee small hours of Team ENGLAND’s brand new thread (sparked up by Elb just as the BritTarts crash for the night) a solitary voice pipes up woefully in the darkness.......Euphemia sings the I Can’t Sleep Blues.......

Catherine finds her long gone when she stokes up the cauldron later, and Elb manages to miss Catherine when she too files in for Breakfast, but bumps into the zombie-like Euphemia, cooking an early/late brekkie for Mr the Horrible...... Elb, without an Abridged to polish off this morning, twiddles her thumbs, then slopes off for a quick peek into Knuckleheadlot, while Gusti is a surprise visitor to BC from work! She is posting on the sly, as she has missed BC too much...... Everybody’s timing is out, and nobody is in the same place at the same time, so it is a disgruntled Elb who heads off to work with soggy sarnies...... Catherine foolishly avoids a starring role in ‘Saving Private Crosswest’ when encountering 50 soldiers on the beach, as she prefers firemen as her leading men......... the uniforms are nicer......

Els is snowed under, and work gets in the way of posting, and ENGLAND have a disjointed morning with folk going in and out like the proverbial fiddler’s elbow....... Del worries about her friend in the path of the hurricane, Euphemia takes advantage of the empty thread to pinch the silver, and gives Wulfy a stiff talking to..... There is no more Ms Nice Gusti after clients mess her about, and Els flits through ENGLAND scattering random silliness as she goes, while Dandie returns to find the thread ransacked but for a single Twin - Barbs, who introduces herself and finds they have much in common.... There is a feeling of disjointedness all afternoon, but the thread fills up towards teatime as Jo, Euphemia, Lady Claire and Dandie all congregate for tea..... Catherine reads the weather for B&G, and Jo worries about ticket sales, while Dandie studies the age-old art of Procrastination, a hobby well-known to BritTarts!

Elb is a happy/sad Muppet, as her new Limited Edition RED Moleskine diary has arrived, and she proudly displays her growing collection, inspiring covetous thoughts in green-eyed Gusti, a knowing smile from Goffy, and a ‘Nudge nudge, wink wink!’ from Els...... Jo announces sadly that ENGLAND won’t get the chance to meet ‘Mr Phoenix’ himself as Neil is away on the day of the B&G showing, but will supply a substitute Neill instead...... The Perv Twins show up, along with Catherine the Nag who asks if Elb has squared up to her sister yet...... Lily-livered Elb hasn’t......... Catherine’s bargain dress doesn’t measure up to the hype, and a shocked Goffy boasts that she managed a long one, provoking envy from fellow Insomniac Euphemia, who only had a quickie...... Lady Claire drools over a Jamie-like Wulfy, and Ship-bound Els gives herself a video-enema...... Em and Goffy bond with Lady Claire over end-of-Jamieness, and Miss Hyde stretches herself by actually DOING things! Barbs and Karen get their tickets for B&G, Lady Claire provides sports commentary, and Euphemia provides anti-chipmunk advice for the radiophonically-challenged twins.......... At the end of her tether, Vanessa rolls up her sleeves ready for battle with her neighbours over their musical torture, but plans on going quietly if hunky plods turn up..... and as long as she’s out on bail by the 9th!

Cathy is late on parade after extra duties, eased by reading more PSILY, and swings straight into the Gutler with a week off for bad behaviour, while Els is distracted by pretty young things on YouTube..... QOV Tina graces ENGLAND with her regal vampness, and after a savage attack by Elb’s cat, Mini-Marek fights back...... Gracie is feeling her age, and Yorkie (round Scandinavia in 14 days) Palin loses 50 pounds after the gym! Catherine plots to kidnap MM, and cranks Yorkie’s paranoia up a notch by once again leaving as she comes in......... ENGLAND shiver their bazookas off, except for hot-flushed Elb and Paranoia Triplet Yorkie who thinks she’s still on holiday, and Cathy plans to spend a week watching paint dry........ Els gathers supplies for a night’s viewing, and Goffy, after a scolding from Elb, qualifies her previous remark that Elb is VERY bonkers....... ENGLAND outdo each other with the price of hairdos while cheapskate Elb listens in amazement, and Eeyore splashes out on a flashy new camera.... Gracie deprives her sprog of Nutella for fear of ODing on the stuff, while Apocalypse-watching Els reckons that “Nutella and a spoon are all a girl needs for a good time......” Elb takes a spectacular high dive into red-card Gutlerdom by suggesting Duracells may help.

Encouraged by the rest of the Team, Eeyore aims for her 2000th post, and in the US, Dandie celebrates when she realises it’s a holiday weekend, while Yorkie is thrilled to have been the subject of ‘Big Softie’ Elb’s thread title! ENGLAND belatedly turn over their hunk-of-the-month calendars, Gracie announces that ‘300’ is No. 2 in Empire’s top ten future films, and there is confusion over a release date for B&G......... Eeyore gets nostalgic about chocolate spread, Dandie worships at the altar of chocolate, and Yorkie lets slip about trials with Mud Spread at the Spa on board ship..........Vanessa’s tether gets shorter in relation to the noise level, while at the other end of the scale (and the country!) Louby is warm and fuzzy after listening to the WBZ interviews - or it may just be her age........ ENGLAND send in the Gerries to deal with Vanessa’s decibel-defying neighbours, while Eeyore aims once more, shoots and scores...... The hills are alive with the sound of WOOTing, and Dandie outdoes herself with an emoticon-tastic display of WOOTage.......

Shortly afterwards, folk begin baling out of ENGLAND for the night, while Cathy’s new siggy gets the blues, and Vanessa sits in solitary, practising for her potential incarceration with Shrek impressions........ Dandie sets ‘em up and ENGLAND moan about screeching kids, then pass the buck like a hot potato when it comes to putting ENGLAND to bed.........It’s a toss-up between Dandie and Vanessa, but Dandie pulls the “My dinner’s ready” excuse, and it’s left to Vanessa to get the Breakfast laid, and post Wulfy on guard for Elb, with Attila on standby in case of emergency Elbage.........

FINALLY, all is peaceful.............