ENGLAND 118 - Livin’ in the State of Gerryland!

Grumpiness abounds first thing as the Three Witches of MacButler meet on the blasted heath of early-morning ENGLAND....... Mr the Horrible is living up to his name, and Euphemia spits nails and feathers in her desperation for a Java fix. Fellow caffeine-junkie Elb suffers from delayed crossness, and Catherine despairs of unsavoury employers...... Elb’s get-up-and-go has a lie-in, while Catherine’s savage beast is soothed by Gerry-giggles courtesy of WBZ. Euphemia ponders sabotaging Mr the Horrible’s coffee, Elb and Catherine offer the Mini-Marek solution, and it’s concluded that GB should be available on the NHS after his dulcet tones work wonders on the witches..... Terminal Cynicism is added to the trio’s CV, and the hags depart to meet again later.....

Em arrives for a hard days’ work....... and logs on. Elb, who is supposed to be working from home this morning hasn’t even logged off...... Catherine gets in ca-ca with her canines, while Em has plenty of places for doggies to do - but sadly has no dogs.... Sparkle has upgraded from Twinkle to Shine, and Em is horribly hormonal and acts as College Rottweiler....... Jo enjoys peace and quiet except for her vocal cat, and is left hot and bothered by Melanieg’s ‘Natural’ vid, Elb puts Mini-Marek to work and promises to give ENGLAND a fashion show later on....... Breakfast Club is under threat due to lack of attendance, as Catherine may have to walk doggies sooner rather than later, and Elb is tealady to the door fitters who become gradually less hunky as the day progresses! Em puts in a request for some tea with her sugar, Evangelia arrives, sad that she missed Gerry in Greece - if it WAS him, and Euphemia is in stealth-housework mode so as not to disturb Mr the Horrible.....Elb urges her to rebel, but rueful Euph reckons Hubby Mk 3 is an old dog and new tricks are wasted on him..... Vanessa sympathises and ponders suffocation for hers, while Elb suggests returning Euphemia’s faulty goods to whence they came. They decide that solo life is best with a bit of bloke on the side, but unfortunately Life refuses to play ball......

Em returns, having seen off her co-worker, and gotten reacquainted with Jamie.......Goffy appears for lunch and is cheered by the WBZ interview, while Chez Elb, three young men bang away relentlessly downstairs, much to her frustration...... She, and Euphemia wryly reflect on the migration of their bits and bobs, and Euph ponders the fact that her grey matter doesn’t..... Em hasn’t got sexual healing, but has got a mouthful, and Euphemia’s personal Kraken awakes, so she goes to prepare his pee..... er....tea. Vanessa gets Gerriness through her letterbox, and Elb indulges Goffy’s hand-to-mouth fetish in a very small way........ She leaves ENGLAND to return to work, pleased with her brand new door, but less pleased that she didn’t get a fumble from the fellas...... Marsha posts to show off her new siggy, Jo tackles bits and bobs, and Vanessa curls up and dies with Dracula....... Goffy, Em and Marsha have deep discussions about Bob the Button, Goffy shows off her Memory Card , and Catherine wants the Ultimate Last Word from Gerry and the Pacemakers.... Marsha gets confoosed again, and loses/finds WBZ..... Much to her dismay, Eeyore’s Gerryfest gives her nightmares, Sparkle’s glimmer gets a little brighter despite the inclement weather, ENGLAND are bothered by mozzies in their Photobuckets, and Euphemia still has the Grumps..... ENGLAND offer solutions for His Grumpiness, while Euphemia uses select terms of endearment for Hagar “Old Bo***ck Chops” the Horrible...... ENGLAND have wet pussies all round, and Gracie plans on taking a dinghy to the Leeds Festival instead of her tent. The rain continues to pour down, and the team are so involved with their discussion that they fail to heed Catherine’s End Of Thread warning, and speed past the 300 post limit...............

FINALLY, as Clan Paranoia wibble offscreen, someone pays attention and Sparkle pops her threadstarting cherry with ENGLAND 119 - A place to waste...er...make good use of our time, although it began life as “Insert funny title here”. Cathy WOOTs for new threadness and gets all warm and fuzzy about the Gerry interview on WBZ, and Euphemia drags her damp pussy over from the old thread. She wonders if Elb has similar problems when her pussy gets wet....... Elb returns from Real Life where a friend has been helping her with her lappy, and promises that Marek will strut his stuff in a mini-fashion show later on, while Paranoia Sis Catherine admits to feeling panicky because no-one had started a new thread in time...... Vanessa posts pictures of soggy moggies, Euphemia reckons Elb was hiding in the woodwork, and Quoter of the Day Em “goes away for noodles and comes back to find wet pussies and a new thread!” Gracie’s only has three legs and thus is prone to falling in puddles, and Em’s is too fat and lazy to get wet...... Euphemia worries about Em’s fat and lazy pussy, and admits hers has galloping alopecia, while Vanessa’s thinks it’s a Jack Russell.........

Newly-siggied-up Sparkle passes the 700th post, and reckons Elb and Catherine were waiting in the wings to see if anyone would start the new thread, but is mistaken - Elb wasn’t even online! Tina is in a good mood, and Cathy hasn’t enough hours in the day, while ENGLAND put their pussies on public display. Sparkle hasn’t got one and feels deprived. The Mini-Marek fashion show is eagerly awaited, and Petless-apart from Lord W, Tina admits that sadly, Lord Wolfshead is not yet trained...... Gracie suggests a nice big bone to keep him docile, while Tina considers more drastic options.....Catherine plans on a new early morning regime, which means Breakfast Club will lose another member, and Em gets the blame for Josh Groban.....Gracie retires to bed with Attila-stroking images, Jo discovers Cathy bought a Virgin Josh Groban, and ENGLAND are impatient for the Mini-Marek fashion show. Jacqlyn drops in mid-conversation, and discovers how to become a Born-Again Virgin, while Elb FINALLY arrives to announce the impending show......She goes off again to whip Marek into shape, and in the meantime, Vanessa hoists up a new Goffy-made siggy, then it’s time........

Despite a small audience, Marek’s turn on the catwalk is a success, and he triumphs in black leather...... Eeyore has a blonde moment, and siggy-switching Goffy makes up her mind. Again. She finds Mini-Marek in black leather worryingly sexy, while Cathy, also impressed, heads off to bed with Marek on her mind......Els stomps in, upset to say the least after Weevil are trounced soundly at footie, and goes to bed to commit random acts of thuggery on her unsuspecting pillows........ Tina asks if Elb had seen the Tottiness left for her yesterday, and Elb, very rudely forgets to reply...... THANK YOU TINA!! Pruney Jo returns from a long soak in the bath with a book, and Eeyore gets bad dreams after yesterday’s Gerry-fest, while Elb hotly defends her absence tonight, blaming it on Real Life.....Vanessa (who can snot for ENGLAND at present) announces a shortage of snot rags, and launches a mission to find more, while Eeyore too is all Gerried out. Jo is glad to be sitting behind Vanessa at B&G.......She heads off early, as tomorrow is results day for eldest sprog, leaving Elb alone to tuck ENGLAND in, and mull over her bad timing tonight - with her 6000th post, and no-one to WOOT with......... until Jo is drawn back by one more notification email, and gives her a satisfying six-WOOT salute! Elb goes to bed a satisfied bunny.......