ENGLAND 116 becomes 117 - Just Another Manic Monday.....

Elb stumbles into Breakfast Club to find she’s alone, but undeterred, quickly whips herself into an early Elbmit episode because she remembers she’s going to B&G in London! Catherine isn’t yet fully functional, and fails to have an early morning Gergasm as she flunks Basic Button-Pushing....... However, she plans ahead and starts Thread 117 before departing, and Elb leaves a teeny hint that folk must fill the chatty quota in 116 first, before plunging headlong into the next...... Els is sent on a course, which fills her with something less than glee, and Jo faces a Hokey-Cokey sort of day with the next David Bailey...... Self-confessed elderly Catherine needs her afternoon nap, and admits she may have been a tad premature with the next threadstart when there is still plenty of life left in 116. Miss Hyde sends Em a Gerry-aid for her painful hand, then all career over into the new thread for elevenses: ENGLAND 117 - Just Another Manic Monday - BritTarts rush round madly booking Wulfy tickets and buying PS, I Love You....

Em blames her war wound on too much mousing, Miss Hyde has a manic Monday indeed, and finds rocks on eBay......... You can get anything on there! Euphemia’s cat teaches her some manners, and Catherine delivers the random factoid of the day by announcing that dogs use yawning as a calming signal........... Goffy too wants rocks, but finds them too heavy, and dispenses medical advice to Em, and newbie vidder Del shows the results of a boring Sunday: a Phantom vid, then talks to herself as nobody’s in....... Later, Miss Hyde has rocks on the brain and is off to see ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’ in September, while Catherine threatens Crosswest overload, as she is close to the magic 3000. Lady Claire joins Vidders R’Us, and Debbie G does herself a mischief after much weekend mischief with BF..... Catherine reckons it serves Debbie right, (PS, she loves Gerry as Gerry.......) Miss Hyde gets her rocks off bidding on eBay, while Euphemia is in the market for a sobbing good read, and Breila gets back from meeting Yorkie for coffee in Copenhagen!

ENGLAND get out the tissues and start reading, Catherine confirms that it WAS Gerry doing the voiceover on the Shadow Company trailer about private soldiers in Iraq, and ENGLAND smugly congratulate themselves on being right.... Gusti can’t resist, and Els reveals the Deppth of her obsession. She admits to cultivating a Blooming crush, after her huggalicious dream of the other night.......... Elb is in da house, and complains about da House music being broadcast by inconsiderate neighbours, then tells of how Noodles mistook the letterbox for a cat-flap...... Cathy buys PPS, I Love You as she can’t wait for Mum to bring her copy back, and plans on finishing with Jamie to take up with Gerry! Euphemia offers Dr ‘Harpo’ Morris to give Noodles the once-over, but bugger the cat ,(not literally!) Elb thinks he’s HOT! Goffy obliges Elb with Father Drac-Gerry, and Miss Hyde sympathises with Elb’s noisy neighbours, as she has overly vocal mutts next door, and a mother who wants a shotgun in her stocking....... (Pistol-packing Mama?) Euphemia’s solution (with disclaimer...) is to forget the dogs and shoot the neighbours. Vanessa suggests musical warfare and that Elb should load both barrells with POTO, while Gusti ponders the money-making potential of Gerry endorsements.......

Director Goffy makes another vid, and enjoys slo-mo Drac-sex which causes palpitations amongst the older members of Team ENGLAND, Breila hits 600 and doesn’t look a day over 25, and Goffy swears she has spotted Nessie again in a yellow towel........ Els malfunctions. Cathy endures hours of ‘research’ in order to benefit ENGLAND, and Jo arrives late to draw attention to the Publicity & Planning Dept of Team ENGLAND. Euphemia is in demand, and has to catch up - AGAIN, while the team agree that our Ger is all man!

Louise has lost her Sparkle and is suffering, but still summons up the energy to go Nessie-hunting, and Els is left all of a lather after being propositioned by Proposition Guy, fresh from his appearance at the Strip Poker Championships....... Em claims that Our Boy is All Man - all 10 inches, but Elb boasts that she has TWELVE inches of Marek, and has photos to prove it....... Em’s head explodes. Tina asks if size really matters, leading to a wholesome discussion on the merits of large versus not-so-large - and Mini-Marek gets a complex......... Tina is in the mood for LURVE after a Tennant-TottyFest in ‘Casanova’, while Em produces Quote of the Day regarding David Tennant as Casanova - “He puts the cheval in chevalier!” Els wants to be Elb if she ever grows up, and Elb is stunned at the idea that she might actually grow up one day........ Euphemia is unsettled, so unseats herself and goes to bed, while Catherine prepares to jump ship before Yorkie arrives and intends to make her milestone 3K posting at Breakfast Club, but is persuaded otherwise by Em, Elb and Co who coax posts out of her bit by painful bit until the WOOTing can begin in earnest..... In the meantime, Els realises she has sailed past her 3000th post without realising, owing to perving too much. ENGLAND’s ‘resident fairy’ (according to Em) receives belated WOOTs before turning in, knackered. Jo brings up the WOOTing rear for Els, and charges ahead with premature WOOTage for Catherine, all without the aid of a safety net............ She also advises Elb to keep a closer eye on Mini-Marek, as hers has a penchant for camel-fondling, while Elb’s has taken up secret smoking.........

Catherine tells Comic-Con Gerry not to be premature , which leads to all manner of smutty comments, and ENGLAND urge Catherine to victory post by post (gathering red cards along the way) until at last, she hits the 3000 mark.... The WOOTage proper begins. Catherine, after cleaning up her grammatical act, heads off to bed complete with brainache, just missing the arrival of the long-lost Yorkie who complains at the slow service (internet-wise) and describes how she met up with Breila for coffee in Copenhagen, has nosed round Norway, and is currently sailing round to Sweden with wall-to-wall food just in case they get peckish.... She warns of a verra lengthy travelogue to follow....... Her post is greeted with squeals of delight from Em, Vanessa, Jo, Goffy and Elb, who launches into a breathless barrage of answers to first mate Yorkie’s questions, including the news that Gerry will be dead good in his new role. Em reckons he’ll make a great stiff, and Cathy turns up to say hi to Yorkie and belatedly WOOT for Catherine’s 3000th... The Yorkies are off to an ice bar in Sweden next, where they will have to dress up in furs and sip chilled cocktails with similar furred-up folks...... It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it! Yorkie is delighted to hear that Elb WILL make it to London, and tells her gleefully that her VL is misbehaving himself as per instructions, but that strange men leave chocolate on her pillow every night....... Messy...... ENGLAND decide they are worth every penny (or dollar) that it is costing Yorkie to join them mid-ocean, but she signs out after three posts to conserve her time for a later date.......

Inspired by Jan’s mention of furs, Cathy posts Wulfy-Spam, and warm and fuzzy after an albeit brief encounter with mate Yorkie, Elb marvels at the technology which can make such things possible these days. Eeyore arrives late, feeling yuk, but has the day off tomorrow, it being her birthday! She and similarly voluptuous Elb chat about buying clothes off eBay, and Jo feels left out of the Tall & Buxom club, but becomes Eeyore’s personal shopper! She and Vanessa are left to put the thread to bed, and ever-vigilant and very topical Wulfy is left on guard with extra roadkill to fend off frostbite....

Fur-clad ENGLAND snores gently as the intrepid travelling Yorkie family sail on through the night towards Sweden...........