ENGLAND 123 - It’s Easy as A..B..C!

(Just drop in, open your mouth and see what comes out......)

Once again, Gusti the Quiet creeps in and posts softly so as not to awaken the sleepers in ENGLAND....... She apologises in advance for not attending tonight, but she’s off out with Real Friends for the evening. She too is glad to see our Goffy back, has a chortle at Mini-Marek’s expense, then leaves for work to wing it through her seminars....... Catherine continues her UnGodly o’clock routine and Elb worries unnecessarily, as Catherine has three hairy bodyguards to keep her company on her wanderings. Tempus fugits away, and Elb leaves a freshly pressed copy of Abridged behind while she performs her morning ablutions then scurries off, late yet again......

Enter a stranger stage right.......... Els strolls in from work in need of a GB fix, after OD’ing on Depp in Jump Street, and having her computer hijacked by her sibling, then Catherine rushes in with news that Gerry is in SCOTLAND!!!!! The news was let out on another thread and has spread like wildfire......... Catherine hoists up a big WELCOME HOME GERRY banner and ENGLAND hopes for the seemingly impossible that he might still be in the UK by the 9th........... Jo and Els discuss their worries for the forthcoming ‘PS, I Love You’ script, and dreamy Signe signs in after a long absence.... Euphemia empathises with the feelgood factor a Gerdream has, Evangelia (in Scotland) gets whiplash looking for Gerry, and has a breakdown, and Els gets gooey over Scottish Bondage pants.......ENGLAND practise fainting into Gerry’s arms but have the medics on standby in case excess baggage puts his back out..... Els berates herself for plane thinking, but Euphemia goes along for the ride after failing to find the Crosswest Travel Agency, but isn’t obsessed at all. Much. Els tries and fails to think pure, honest thoughts, but remembers she doesn’t know how, Del drops in unawares, and the Obsessed Stalking Party gathers momentum as Jo and Vanessa book tickets on the LooneyTunes flight too..... Euphemia plans on founding Team ENGLANDsville in Scotland, where she plans on running the local culinary establishment, and Debbie flits through ENGLAND after getting her PS........ Goffy flies by en route to the hospital to see Mum, Euphemia wants to see how Gerry’s parts are handled, and puts Del in the picture.... She feels a sudden urge for Starbucks and heads out with her camera....... Guilt-ridden Catherine reassures Admin that ENGLAND are merely jesting, while ENGLAND reassure Catherine, and Els gets narked that she is expected to actually WORK at work.......ENGLAND decide they are too chicken to meet celebs, watch kids’ cartoons and there are more reservations about PSILY from Marsha....... Lady Claire can’t understand where New York fits into the book, Dandie books her spot in ENGLANDsville as resident American geneologist, while Marsha brings the BritTarts up to speed with her life..... Euphemia is delighted to find a victim in Dandie for her restaurant, Breila posts her mugshot, and Jo threatens to take her tribe to Chez Euphemia’s for tea........

Vanessa’s daughter wants critiques on her vids, and Els goes to the laptop shop to ease PC congestion in her house........Home-at-last Em rolls out the Welcome banners afresh for Gerry, and Catherine takes the words out of Elb’s (and Meatloaf’s) mouth by casually tossing in an End of Thread Alert as she heads off for dinner....... Elb appoints Em as ThreadStarter du Jour, and dozey-does off to catch up while Em conjures up ENGLAND 124 - BritTarts discuss world politics and bio-genetic erga?......... Mother Nature decides Signe should sign off before she can suggest a thread title, and ENGLAND conga through into the next thread........

Elb Malaproper-ly and purely by accident begins the fastest comedy routine that ENGLAND has yet witnessed, with special guests Crosswest and Euphemia, along with three stooges Jo, Vanessa and Em. The gags fly thick and fast while Euphemia takes exception to Vanessa’s suggestion that the Breakfast Crew are fast and loose wimmin....... Elb announces that the Viking Helmet WILL make an appearance in London, while Mini-Marek will not...... Emmy practises mind-reading on Goffy, while breathless Berenise finally tracks ENGLAND down, WOOTs for Gerry being back in the UK, and WOOTs for his.....ooops....Elb’s helmet......Marsha thinks Elb is ‘special’ - ( Elb growls) - and asks the origins of her name. Catherine scrapes the bottom with her football joke, Breila has an affair with hypens and mixed metaphors but fails to construct a proper joke, while over-excited Cathy doesn’t realise ENGLAND have moved....... Elb gives Mini-Marek a complex about size - again, and Els issues “greetings from my lovely new laptop” and is never seen again......... Queen of Vamp Tina is gutted, nay - bereft, to discover that Tennant-Tottiness was within reach yesterday, and Goffy plays Guess-the-Strange-Pash with Em. ENGLAND WOOT for Els’ shiny new lappiness, while MM misbehaves in the caffeine department once more.... Elb explains the history of her name, and ENGLAND find MM’s wee butt strangely attractive.

The jokes continue thick and fast, and the Team speedily wheeze their way through the new thread before mud-covered, phone-losing Gracie returns from the Leeds Festival. Usual Festival stuff then........She sees the new thread title and thinks ENGLAND have graduated in English while she’s been away..... Breila’ computer behaves, and cracked-up Dandie is impressed by Elb’s 12 inch man, but Elb is less than impressed by the rancid hum emanating from her kitchen, so excuses herself to track down the source, while Eeyore reveals her sparkly new siggy, courtesy of Chief Siggy-Maker Del. ENGLAND dutifully “Ooh!” and “Aaah!”, and make generally appreciative noises, while Tina is at last cheered up by the ENGLAND floorshow...... Eeyore hopes Gerry is back for a top-up on his accent, and stares at her new sigginess, while Cathy finds no laughing matter in her grey matter, no matter....... As the jokes dry up, ENGLAND jump ship in favour of the gogglebox, and suddenly bereft Elb is startled by her own sudden appearance in a Knuckleheadlot ‘nip! She passes messages from and to Delanie (via text) who feels out of the loop, while Cathy and Eeyore discuss their passion for Victoriana and dirty windows, as Eeyore’s new siggy features stained glass.....

ENGLAND peaks early and gets Lost, leaving Jo, Vanessa and Eeyore at the helm. Vanessa is in funny mood, and tips her Photobucket out on the floor, plastering the thread with picspam........ Eeyore goes shopping for a new phone, and ENGLAND pimp phones and networks till the cows come home and Goffy, who has fallen asleep in her chair, goes to somewhere more sensible...... Vanessa doles out four helpings of Wulfiness and a side order of wet Butler for Elb, who returns from getting Lost and promptly departs again for the Abridged Express after adding her tuppenceworth for recommended mobiles.......

It’s left to Jo to tuck in the thread and find a stranger to sit by ENGLAND’s beds for the night. As the lights go out, ENGLAND snores, and the Stranger smirks...........