ENGLAND 124 - BritTarts discuss world politics and bio-genetic erga.........???

Gusti the Lonely tiptoes through as she wends her weary way to work, having had a good night out with friends. She feels her life at present is one big roller-coaster, but hopes to join in tonight’s party...... Tired bunny Catherine hops in and out later, followed by sleep-deprived Euphemia who has overdosed on caffeine but makes yet more for the men in white coats. Rover is still at large, but Euph manages to lasso one of his smaller cousins before forcibly ejecting him from the house.......Sleepless in Somerset Elb is a frustrated dreamster, in need of an extra, extra read-all-about-it strong blend of guano-free coffee, but still manages to photograph the skytacular sunrise over Weevil that morning, and post it up for all to see.... In response to Euphemia’s query, Elb admits to having drawn the short straw to tackle her homicidal sister’s attitude problem, but awaits delivery of armour before engaging her sibling in the battle of the giants, while Catherine savours the taste of good coffee after a morning’s poo-pocketing...... However, she fears she may be up for the push as her unsavoury bosses are hiring another slave, and Euphemia reinforces her paranoia by departing quick-smart.......

Vanessa and Els pass through, but all is quiet till lunchtime when there is a sudden rush of Tarts through ENGLAND! Jo fiddles with her settings, and can now join in Spoiler Fun, Euphemia sympathises with poorly Del, and Breila has a day in bed with books, but without her scaffolders! Euphemia auditions for “Zombies in Mitcham”, while Louby catches up on the gags from last night, and adds one of her own.... Breila loses her professor of Law, so asks Gerry to deputise, Louby goes back to school, and Dandie envies Breila her chillout day. Dr Dandie prescribes one for Del who is suffering wth a nervous stomach, Lady Claire zips through, and Miss Hyde has the miseries despite still going to Uni...... Mommy-Jo advises her to go out and play so she’ll feel better, while Catherine notes that the second part of Gerry’s WBZ interview is available for download. ENGLAND right-click obediently........

Gerry earns a black mark from Catherine for getting Lolita on the fags already, but is otherwise engaging, articulate and funny, reminding ENGLAND why exactly we love him!

Magdalena gets her acceptance letter from Uni, and Euphemia tells Miss Hyde to get down and party, while Elb comes in at the tail end and hasn’t got the foggiest what’s going on..... (No change there!) Els drools over her new lappy, Elb alerts ENGLAND to Yorkie’s imminent return, and Breila reassures Miss Hyde that all will be well in the world of Uni.... Euphemia checks that Elb is still functioning after the tussle with her sister, but Yellow-Bellied-Elb hasn’t yet bitten the bullet so is offered the Heavy Mob as backup, but she would prefer yellow-towel Gerry at her back instead..... There is discussion as to where one would keep small change in such a garment, and it is decided that secret sporrans are the solution.....Meanwhile, ENGLAND wonder if G and pup are roaming the Highlands, but Catherine puts the Kibosh on that by announcing that Lolita is too young for a passport.......

Els plays smutty sea shanties, Elb awards herself a red card plus one in advance after practising mind-reading, and Vanessa and Goffy are lured into the thread by the merest mention of yellow towel...... ENGLAND WOOTs to hear Goffy’s mum is out of hospital, and will be getting home help to ease pressure on Goffy, while Goffy gets mushy - then technical!..... The Team have trouble with chipmunks, and the Chippendales invade the thread. Rover is spotted in Southend, and Elb has trouble with loudmouthed ****ing teenagers who eff and blind outside her house. She passes on a message from Yorkie who plans to get online tonight, so the planned ‘Kayleigh’ is put on hold till later! The Cussing Virus passes to Elb who effs her way through her posts, and tells ENGLAND that ****ing Abridged is up, for those who give a ****, then picks a fight with Vanessa in Scouse-stylee..........(with apologies to wee Scouser Goffy)

Gusti props her eyes open with matchsticks, determined to rejoin ENGLAND if only for a short while, and Catherine too needs pit props as optical aids as she’s been up since 4! Dandie sneezes her way back into the thread after dusting - ENGLAND don waterproofs - and Euphemia plans to be upstanding in her lounge until Rover is ensnared, while Cathy throws a new face (Dermot Mulroney) into the fray for ENGLAND to rip apart......er...consider. Still-awake Gusti is confoosed by the cursing, Goffy gets ****ing sentimental about Team ENGLAND, and Vanessa puts in a request for a ****ing shotgun.... Elb issues a challenge to occupy ENGLAND whilst waiting for Yorkie’s appearance - post the funniest pics from your Photobucket! There is much rustling in the galleries........Dandie shoots her mouth off about kids using her as an ATM, then passes her gun to Vanessa who aims to terminate her neighbour’s musical fusillade, and Cathy gets the hump while finding her funniest photos.....Breila steals a pic from Knuckleheadlot, Euphemia’s is a load of bo***cks, and Gusti’s disguise fails when she is spotted in another forum far, far away....... Elb calls Last Orders on the thread just as Tina shivers in, and Jo cracks up with her offering for funniest pic, then everything goes ominously quiet, giving poor chilly Tina a complex..... ENGLAND are merely rummaging through their Photobuckets, as evidenced by Euphemia’s banging then leaving a sign, and Vanessa’s zebra on a motorbike...... Elb dumps Foo-kin Noodles (not her cat) in ENGLAND, and an Els-in-a-can, offending Els who huffily witholds her randomness for the next thread...... Nobody volunteers for Threadstarting duty, so once again, Elb does the honours and churns out ENGLAND 125 - High-Speed InterCity BritTarts! (Team ENGLAND trains for express chattering!) but ENGLAND blithely natter on past 300 until Elb points out the diversion onto the new track...........

Ice-Queen of Frozen Vamp Tina is first past the post in an effort to warm up, while Cathy and Euphemia Gergasm in mid-leap from thread to thread....... Els posts iSpam from her sparkly new laptop, and Tina goes to warm up with Jamie by the fire, while Vanessa shows off her daughter’s speedy new avi........

THEN.............The Intrepid Travelling Yorkie returns, and ENGLAND go bananas welcoming back their long-absent comrade-in-hugs............and Gusti goes to bed after waiting up for the Return of the Prodigal Tart. Catherine also hugs her Paranoia Sis in passing as she slopes off to her bed, while Els brings out the towelspam to celebrate..... Yorkie tells of early mornings (YORKIE??) and late-night goings on (not sure we want to ask....) and promises tales of fabulous ports of call, but is more concerned with sucking up to the cat who is sulking, despite having a holiday of his own...... She has eaten for ENGLAND, which pleases Fat Elb no end, as she hurtles to hug her Paranoia Twin, interrupted only by Beth from the KT who reminds ENGLAND that the deadline for their Memory Cards is drawing near..... Mr Yorkie is in bad books, having refused to go Gerry-hunting as soon as the family disembarks, and as if to refresh Yorkie’s paranoia, most of ENGLAND abandon thread for bed...... Elb has news of holidaying Sparkle, currently engrossed in PSILY on a Spanish beach, and Berenise hopes that Iceland-bound Gerry will bring Sturla ENGLANDwards for the Gala Premiere in Finchley........ Jo can’t keep up, Yorkie recalls Tarting About with Breila, and Elb becomes Official Tart Messenger.... Yorkie throws in the towel early, as she needs to work her way up to speed gradually and would prefer to keep her teeth in her head rather than on her keyboard!

Dandie, Eeyore, Vanessa and Jo make up the graveyard shift, and Dandie fills her Photobucket while chatting, while Jo critiques films for Eeyore.... Elb too quits while she’s behind, and potters off to Blogger to try and catch up with Abridged. The late crew persuade Dandie to put her name on the waiting list for Glasgow, and night-owl Jo explains her 3AM habits to Dandie who finally puts the thread to bed at 2am...... At the magical 3am, she sets the table for Breakfast Coven.........

Camels snort in the night............