England 63 - Bank Holiday boredom.....

Catherine is first up and tiptoes around Breakfast Club so as not to wake those who are having a lie-in. Not so Elb, who bounces in shouting, full of the joys and already hooked up to her coffee IV....

Bank Holiday Monday appears to be a day of domesticity for ENGLAND, as most folk are using the holiday to catch up on chores. Catherine has made a feature of her ironing, (Parts Un et Deux...) Berenise listens to her laundry calling, and Elb throws her knickers in the bath again. Tina is being lazy as befits a Bank Holiday, but is bored.....Berenise turns film critic and pimps the new Bond movie, and POTC, featuring (as Tina says) Captain Jack - Everyone's favourite Pirate - the very droolworthy Depp! Gracie wants to see the remake of the Poseidon Adventure, and the Omen, but fears a mass curse, as it is released on the 6th of June - 06/06/06......Miss Hyde won’t even dip her toes into the PA, as she is afraid of water....although she’ll risk it for POTC. Gracie suggests a lifejacket....Euphemia has also taken part in ENGLAND’s ChoreFest, but most of her domestic appliances have seemingly rebelled against her. Miss Hyde admits being a wimp, and Jamie leaves Catherine breathless ...

Jomar attends the unofficial launch of the Brunch Club, but complains that ENGLAND get up too early, then Gracie congratulates Catherine on losing a Jack Russell, calls Euphemia by the wrong name and mixes her American chocolate bars with her Panto characters! ENGLAND gripe about the poor quality of clothes and shoes these days, while Tina makes sausage sarnies for all. (Brown sauce on mine please Tina...) Catherine and Sophie join in the Quality Assessment debate, and Elb reverts from being a Domestic Goddess to her customary role of Uber-Nerd. Yorkie takes the p*** and calls a halt to the watery talk, as she is shortly to take a mini-cruise....

Little Miss (Jackie) from the States pops over to bemoan the loss of Elb’s DroolPit avvy but Elb explains that her new one is to help promote the B&G petition... Yorkie launches the “Where’s-Yorkie-Tarting-Off-to-Next?” game, but it is interrupted when Catherine spots Gerry on telly and nearly has heart failure. Yorkie packs the removal van for ENGLAND’s next move, and Elb rustles up a new thread in time for a late lunch.....

“Will You Still Need Us, Will You Still Feed Us? Now We’re 64!” is the rather obvious title, but Yorkie, Catherine and Elb (AKA the Paranoia Triplets) all came up with more or less the same! Elb’s brain goes for a wander regarding Jan’s upcoming trip, and comes up with camp Vikings in Paris.....Miss Hyde meanwhile, shoots into the new thread from work to have a chuckle and Yorkie unfairly blames Elb for her own choccie weakness but pops out to get sweeties for all. Tina has got the blues as it’s raining in the Midlands, and she can’t put a Gerry film on, and Elb makes politically incorrect jokes about Mincing Vikings and Tootie Frooties..... Gracie tries to cheer Tina up with Drac, and suggests that maybe Yorkie is going for a cruise on a Viking longship....ENGLAND chat so much about confectionery that dentists everywhere rub their hands in glee, and cavities appear without a sweetie passing anyone’s lips!

As Jan whips off to the gym to work off the cake she’s eaten, ENGLAND swiftly discounts any idea of BritTarts running in the London Marathon for charity. Tina takes control of the remote, and Goffy shows off her tattoos in extreme close-up! She relieves the tedium of a boring day by posting a Gerrypic also in extreme close-up! ENGLAND drools.... If only Drooling was a sponsored event....... Del admits to watching the Sound of Music, and it isn’t even Christmas! Em pops up in a cloud of smoke as soon as Elb queries her whereabouts, and explains her absence as she has been painting children by the hundreds. The RSPCC are informed....

Euphemia gleefully waves hubby off to work the night shift, after being in enforced slavery all day...and another US Tart arrives to join the ENGLAND insanity: Lady Claire, AKA Denice, who apparently is Tina’s twin. She is engulfed into the asylum immediately. Catherine apologises in advance for any incoherence later due to over-imbibing, and Elb is rude to Euphemia, but fails to apologise, as she has yet to imbibe. She later rectifies both situations.... Goffy thinks she has killed the thread as all is quiet, until Del posts up the siggy she has been working on to Elb’s exacting specifications....Elb, after trial and error, gets the siggy up, and turns virtual cartwheels around ENGLAND! Miss Hyde is allowed to come out to play, as she has completed two modules this afternoon, and Delanie posts more pictures and poetry, then a pressie for Elb in the form of a Hamster astride Horsepower. Everyone wonders why Elb is not Hamsterwatching..............

Catherine, Del and Berenise look forward to GV on ER, Tina and Goffy are waiting for Hollyoaks to explode, and Elb is still cartwheeling... Cathy has Done It Herself, and done herself in, but blames it on everyone but the right person. Miss Hyde announces she doesn’t do soap.....ENGLAND takes a step back.

Talk turns back to telly, and Berenise would rather leave Phil Mitchell and take Grunt, and along with Goffy, misses Nigel ‘Pretty boy’ Harman from ‘Stenders. Catherine has to play vet to a puking Parker, and Tina and Del both depart hastily.......... Cathy admires Elb’s new siggy, but would rather augment it with squirty cream, and Berenise takes it as a cue to go iron her hair. When Yorkie turns up, she threatens to start a Proper Debate by discussing Dan Brown’s theories, but Elb pompously puts paid to that, and they chat about computer games instead. Far less contentious. Up pop Little Em, Goffy and Euphemia to contribute with chatter about games and drunken barbeque assembly until Elb makes the mistake of mentioning cheese.....Cathy and Elb get on their soapboxes about GTA, and it appears the Grumpy Old Women are in for a session......Jessey makes a welcome interruption into the grumpiness - her computer has gone kaput and she is using one from the dark ages to make contact.....Disturbed by the strange noises it is emitting, Jessey signs off, and Elb is left alone to close ENGLAND down for the night.....