ENGLAND 61 - LXI Lip-smacking Xissing (we wish!)

Ever Helpful Catherine is first up, followed swiftly by Heavy-Eyed Gusti and Elb the Tactless, and they take it in turns to grouse about the weather. Elb waves the white flag after reading that Eeyore has taken offence at her tongue-in-cheek jibe at the Welsh in Monday’s Abridged, but Eeyore will have the last laugh at Elb’s expense later on..... Blu the Flatulent breezes in, followed by a wondrous Sparkle. Delanie gets ready to brave the elements, but not before she sneaks a few more pages with Jamie 2 in the bookstore! Laura slips in from college, and Em staggers in from overdoing it at the gym.

Later in the afternoon, Gracie has been enjoying quality time with her sprog, and spots a strange glowing orb in the sky. She discusses definitions of fat versus curvy with Em, until Goffy - still poo - arrives to pimp Evil Ducky’s “Enormous ...” vid again. Is she on commission? Em’s cat meanwhile, climbs into a tube of Pringles. Miss Hyde has also seen Gracie’s Unidentified Hovering Object, and is curious to see the Object of Enormous Proportions...from a strictly artistic point of view, naturally. Em is on POTC overload, with a poster of Jack Sparrow to drool over. Catherine has finally consummated her relationship with Jamie, and thus fortified, wheezes off to Asthma Clinic.

Goffy quotes from Diana Gabaldon’s website that the author envisages Jamie as a Gerard Butler/Jason Flemyng hybrid, if ever a movie were to be released! ENGLAND wonders if she is a lurker on GB.net....

Gracie asks: What would you do if you won the Lottery? Del would buy a cottage in the Highlands and settle bills, Goffy would set up an animal sanctuary also in Scotland, and Gracie wants to travel but settle in Italy. Em launches into flights of fancy about plastic surgery and pirate ships......

There is much excitement over Admin’s announcement that 300 is due for release in the UK on 30th March 2007, but “Burns” appears to have been shelved once more....

Els is the proud mum to a bouncing baby Boosh gif, after playing nasty with Photoshop, and Gusti bids an early goodnight before she leaves for Slovenia. Elb arrives to eat humble pie in front of Eeyore after discovering that SHE is part-Welsh! (So that’s why she loves leeks..)

Berenise is sad because of the bad news about “Burns”, but glad that we can now start planning BriTartFest for the release of “300”. Evil (but lovely) Els launches more Photoshop lunacy, but her head implodes. Elb has double Wulfy-vision after removing her contacts, and assures a worried Gracie that Tarts are easily spotted. Talk returns to the Outlander books, and ENGLAND betray too many secrets........ Yorkie meanwhile arrives all of a fluster and ENGLAND avert their eyes while she adjusts her clothing....Goffy is about to finish the last Outlander book and is comforted by Tina who has begun them all again... Catherine retires to bed and to seek out more Scot-smut in Cross Stitch, and Tina, Gracie, Berenise and Sparkle follow suit. Cathy has an out-of-body experience and finds herself in Claire’s place......Els unleashes another gif which perplexes some, whilst cracking up others, and Blu does another drive-by posting. Meanwhile, Elb recounts a spot of comedy-bonking, then gives Del a pep talk about sending her manuscripts in. Laura bounces in with mischief in mind, and a fast flurry of Pic-Smut ensues, broken only by Marsha announcing the good news that her friend Stone is coming home after his chemo treatment. ENGLAND rapidly descends to the very well-rounded bottom of the Gutler Mine, Laura hits 300 and the HHH makes a welcome reappearance......the Pic-Smut reaches its peak with the White String/Black Trunks photo and Laura indulges in Premature Articulation by starting a new thread before the old one is ready to turn up its toes.....

Goffy enters the anarchy in dire need of hugs after finishing A Breath of Snow and Ashes, and is indignant to have missed the Smutathon. Elb announces lights out is imminent, and threatens anyone still awake by the time she returns from her work as ENGLAND’s Official Scribe. It is left to Auntie Jan to enforce bedtime for Britain, but everyone behaves - for a change - and when Elb returns, duty done, she finds ENGLAND asnore, and switches the light off in Post 300.......